Lost in thought(a log)

[Casandra Lightheart]

Cas was in the garden. She was siting on a bench, she was just staring off into space. Anyone seeing her would go unnoticed unless they actually spoke to her. She was sad, her heart was hurting and she was trying to work through it all in her mind.

-Derick would be found wandering the grounds as well. It was his usually routine. Spend the morning lounging around the room. Spend the afternoon reading in silence. And have a long walk in the evening alone. It was his life. He would turn the corner towards the gardens when he saw a figure. That itself wasn't an oddity, but when he thought he recognized her, he would quietly walk over until he was certain.- Cassandra?

Cas looked up when she heard him and a sad smile crept over her face. "Hello Derick." Yes she did address him, she was not so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't hear him. She moved over to one side of the bench. "Do you want to join me?" She could use the company even if she didn't want to admit it.

-He would give a slight hesitation, seeing that look in her eyes that he saw in his own everyday. His steps would be slow, but he would go to take the offered seat. Crystal blues looking over to her with a slight worried face over features.- I would, thank you. Is......is everything alright, Cassandra?

Her green eyes looked back at him and she forced a smile to her face. She knew he would understand, that and she saw the worry in his face. "Your welcome." She drew in a deep breath."No not really."

-Hearing that answer, the worrying would just increase. She was still a very fresh friend, but that wouldn't stop him from caring about any one's pain. His hands would fall into his lap, fingers entwining together, resting over his leathers.- Well....may I ask what is wrong? I...I am sure there are others you could tell. But...I guess I am here now.

She looked at him and then back out at the garden. She would know that feeling she cared about her friends too. She looked back up at him when he asked her what was wrong. "The Marques came back on the first." Her voice became a whisper. "He ended our relationship. he is not over his late wife."

-His eyes would widen just a bit as he heard her words. He almost lifted an arm to go to her shoulder, but he stopped himself. They weren't there yet.- Cassandra, I am so sorry. That....that is horrible. -He didn't know what else to say. It had happened to him in the past, and he knew there was nothing that could be said.-

She looked at him. "I can't blame him, I can't be mad at him. It would be so much easier if I could. All I can do is try to work through it and move one. He gave me so much, I healed a lot because of hi, not so long ago losing someone else I cared for would have destroyed me. I have to remember that. He got me to open up." She reached up and wiped a tear from her face, she didn't care that he saw her cry. "I have given up on finding love, I just don't think the romantic type of love is out there for me."

-He knew exactly what she was meaning by that. But seeing those tears would bring out a reaction that he would otherwise leave undone. A hand would slowly come up, arm lightly wrapping around the back of her shoulders. Hues looking to her, trying to be the friend he may be becoming.- I...I know what you mean. It hurts. It really does. And....it may hurt for a while. -It was harsh, but it's the truth- But as I have been told many times, it will get better.

She looked at him and smiled through her silent tears. When he wrapped his arm around the back of her shoulder she leaned her head on his shoulder and just let the tears fall. "I know you understand. It will get better with time. Thank you for reminding me of that."

I....I am sorry. -He felt like a fool. Of course she knew that. Everyone knows that. That is what everyone says when these things happen. Empty words.- It's been over three years since it happened to me and it still hurts. But....life does go on. You just need to be strong. From what i know of you, you can be.

She had not meant to make him feel like a fool. The words really did bring her some comfort. She needed them right now. They were not empty words, not to her."It was four years for me before I could move on. Life does go on, and you are right I can be strong."

-Hand on her shoulder would lightly squeeze, trying to give her whatever comfort he could. May not be much, but it was all he could do.- You can be. Just keep yourself focused on the other things that you love. Like your horses. I saw your face when you are around them.

She smiled at him. "My horses are the future of Claremount, they will make sure that my children never want for anything." She sat straight and wiped her eyes. "My children are my future, I am out here because I don't want them to see me like this, they know I am sad but they have not seen me cry because of this."

But maybe you should? Are they too young to understand this? Maybe being around them would even help you. I don't know. I never had any family to go to.

She smiled. "They are ten almost eleven, I think they would understand, I just try to protect them. I love them so much." She frowned. "I am sorry you didn't have family to help you." She had the twins, they were her only biological family, but she also had a very large extended family, her staff at Claremount, V, her family and her employees. She was lucky, she knew that.

Well....um...I personally think you should share your grief with your children. Especially if they were fond of him as well. i think it would help you all. If nothing else, it lets you get some of the crying out of the way. That is the most important thing.

She shook her head. "They only met him twice, once was the day they were returned to me. The second time was at the ball, they didn't get to know him."

-He would nod slowly. His head would softly rest against hers on his shoulder.- Well, none the less, you need to get it out. Let the worst be over with. And I am very sure all of your friends would have no worries going home with tear soaked shoulders.

She just smiled as he rested his head against hers. "I am getting it all out just normally after the twins are sleeping." Her hand went to her neck where the heart had been hanging. then dropped back into her lap. "I may not have seen him for months but I am still going to miss him."

And you will. I still miss Az..... -And he will trail off. Oh yes, they were in the same boat.- Well, please remember to keep yourself busy. Be around friends as much as possible. Tend to your horses. Spend time with your kids. Those are the things that are most important.

She looked at him. "You know you need to take your own advice Derick. I know it is hard but it is not good for you to be alone so often, I know from personal experience." She hoped she hadn't just overstepped her bounds, she knew what locking yourself away did to a person.

-he would chuckle a bit as he nodded.- Yes, I know. Just.....well I guess easier said then done. But I know what you mean.

She smiled. "You know if you need to get away for a day you should come to Claremount. It would get you out and about. You could go for a ride, or just sit in the gardens."

-He would look over to her, a small smile curling over lips.- I would actually like that. You're right. I could use the time away. I have the occasional meeting with friends, but nothing on a regular basis. It can get rather dark in this place.

She smiled. "Besides, I think I did tell you I would let you ride one of my horses that was bred for speed." She liked talking about her horses, it was taking her mind off other things and that was a good idea. Claremount is surrounded by forest on one side and lakes on the other, I think you would find the grounds beautiful and very relaxing."

You did. And I look forward to it. Um, just let me know the next time you are traveling there. I will join you. If that's alright? I would like to see your home and your family.

She smiled. "I go every weekend. I would like to have you along. I will ask my daughter if you can ride her Angel and then she can come with me on Rider."

I would like that. I am never really busy. So yes, I would love that. Just let me know. How far away is it?

"Two hours when you use the portals, without them eight." Yes Caremount was that far away. Kjay came towards them from out of the forest, something out there was not right, when he had been hunting he felt like something was lurking, he came and put his head in Cas' lap. His tail wagged as she petted him.

-Head would tilt to the side as brow would arch.- Portals? What do you mean? -Blues would then turn to see Kjay coming up to Cas. He would smile as he looked to him then back up to her.-

"Yes, portals, they are like doorways, if you know where they are you can shorten your travel time drastically." She looked at him. "You are not adverse to magic are you?" If he was they could take the long way. It was a very pretty ride.

I have been around it, but it's been a while. But I am not accustom to being around it a lot. So, you will have to once again guide me along.

"I have no problem, and the horses all know how to find them, it is something I have to train them to, some horses that don't know what they are balk when they feel them. You may not feel it at all, you may feel a tingling over your skin. It is different for different people."

Well, I Suppose I will have to find out. I don't think I have ever used one before. So yes, please be my guide. -He would smile to her, fingers again giving off a light squeeze of her shoulder.-

She smiled as she sat up straight again. "Thank you for talking with me and letting me use your shoulder to cry on.I needed it." Venis knew from the letter that she had written to her, but she had not said anything to any one else.

Well you are very welcome, Cassandra. And you know where my room is. You are always welcome to come by whenever you wish. Um, would you like to go get a drink in the bar? I know I could use one.

She nodded. "I think a beer would be a great idea," As she stood Kjay moved to her right side. H was not going to leave his human alone again till he figured out what was bothering him about the forest.