Finding Solace in the Embrace • Closed •

[Epiphany]

Too much time had passed, to much, but in that time she had been getting a hold on herself and on her new . . . change. The Crew was doing a good job on their work but Epiphany was finding it harder and harder to watch them as the night went on. She watched them from a safe distance and only now and then went in to help give instruction. The later it was in the day the worst those moments were to her. All the work the men had been doing caused their heart rate to increase so it only beat harder in her head and the harder it beat the more her jaw ached. After those moments she always excused herself and went to the bar to take a drink from that one particular container.

But it wasn’t enough. Even though the contents of that container were ‘fresh’ it couldn’t compare to the thoughts she had of drinking straight from the source, which for now happened to be the men digging. On this particular night Epiphany was sitting on the floor behind the bar, the silver container empty and in her hand and head tipped back against the wall. Hungrier tonight than usual the container had been more than half full when she took to it and now it was empty.

The problem was she was still hungry and she had nothing else to eat. There is a wonderful selection out in the …. No! No, no, she wasn’t going to ask them for blood. They are not food. My men. Not food. Even as she was telling herself that she felt her stomach grumbling and she gripped it with her free hand. With the way she was feeling currently she didn’t feel capable of staying around the dig site.

Putting the empty bottle back she crawled out from behind the bar, stood and started heading towards the steps. When she passed the men she gave a quick ‘I’ll be back’ before she headed up. They would be fine on their own. When it got too late Manuel would call it quit for the night and all those involved would head their own way until the next day.

The Door didn’t bother her, Epiphany knew the special knock and entered without a hassle into one of her special places: The old Advocates Tower at the Alliance. The grounds had been empty since she was last in office so she saw no problem with popping in here and there when she felt like it. There were a few things that she left in this tower and they were closed up in her old bedroom and covered. Her way of putting bits of the past behind her.

The place was simple and for the most part clean – except for a few bolts of cloth and stray petals from flowers about the floor. Lit with select lamps the overall lighting was dim and the ever opened double-doors that lead to the balcony kept the place feeling comfortable even in the heat of the summer.

Here she was alone. Here there were no heart beats to hit against her head, no necks to look at, no other humanity to distract her thoughts and add to the hunger she already felt. Aside from her underground cave this was one of the best places she thought to be.

Pulling off her hard hat and tool belt she plopped them on the side table next to the couch as she made her way to the balcony. The metal railing felt solid as he fingers curled around it and she leaned forward while turning her head up to the sky and towards the moon which was shining brightly over head past the trees. “I can’t do this alone.” She started out saying into the night, her voice soft.

“I thought I could, but I can’t. I just can’t.” Shaking her head as she gripped the bars tighter. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know what you would say. Didn’t want you to worry about me.” Epiphany was talking as though she were talking to someone, even if no one was visibly there. She closed her eyes and felt her knees buckling as her body pulled her downwards, fingers letting go of the railing as she landed on the ground. It was almost a copy of how she had sat behind the bar not too long ago, only this time her back was against the stone wall that held the double doors.

Inside the room grew visible darker, as though someone had turned down the brightness of the lamps. Epiphany stretched her left leg out and drew her right one to her chest to wrap her arms around it. Leaning forward her head turned to face the forest beyond, her cheek resting against her knee and eyes still closed. The ache in her jaw had subsided to a dull throb though the hunger she felt was still there. “But I’m not alone, how can I be when I feel you in my veins.” For that reason she knew that she’d never really be alone. Doing things on her own was nothing new and even though she had given nearly full disclosure to her brother Aiden this whole experience was starting to make her feel isolated and look at others differently than she had before. He had given her advice and she had to swallow her pride and take it.

She pulled in a sharp breath and hastily scrubbed her eyes with her arm with wipe away the tears she felt starting to form and opened them. “Damon. I need your help.” Asking for help wasn't easy for Epiphany to do and thus she rarely did. She'd rather struggle quietly with an issue before seeking assistance and that had been the downfall of many things in the past.

One arm stayed hooked around her leg while the other wrapped around her stomach. While she had come to the balcony on other nights this was the first time she actually called out to him. Other times she would sit there and focus the best she could on sometime besides her stomach until she passed out from hunger pains and the sun light woke her the next day.

But that wouldn’t be until later. Right now she was still awake.

[Damon Fauci]

"How could you think I didn't know already when you feel me in your veins, that's what I'd like to know." It was truth spoken with a brutal simplicity, smoothed into a more congenial deliverance by the silken candor that was Damon Fauci. While each word sounded clearly in her ears as if he was standing right behind her, this was not the case. In fact, if Epiphany she scanned the area around her, both outdoors and in her near-abandoned Alliance chambers, there was no hint of him to be seen. And yet he hadn't spoken directly to her mind.

So was he near, closer to her than her eyes would allow her to believe? That was the difficulty inherent in facing Damon's power when he chose to apply it thusly. Epiphany must, after all, remember the day he looked her right in the eyes as he delivered a package into her hands with her none the wiser that it was he. So it was possible he was here, somewhere, quite possible in fact.

Yet there was a reason that he chose to keep himself concealed. For starters, he had a few points to make, and he wished to make them without any distraction dulling the intent of his words. After all, how easy it was to let unpleasant notions flit in one ear and out the other when one had a comfort of an embrace, or a touch, or the strength of gazing into the eyes of another. His next point, it was equally blunt and succinct. "As for what I'd say, I believe the turn of phrase is 'I told you so'." Could she hear the dry irony of his tone? The many hours they spent together discussing this very issue, during which he'd articulated his concerns with such meticulous care, and yet here they were. Knee-deep and muddied in this issue nonetheless.

And she was asking for his help. How she should thank the stars above that he was choosing to have this conversation from a 'distance' for now. That was the second reason he wasn't standing visibly before her. Out of mercy. His anger was a rare thing, and anyone who happened to be in the vicinity of it never fared well. "Help? What the hell do you think I've been trying to do all this time, Epiphany, for months - no, for years. I left, so that you could live a proper mortal life. When I returned, I was the height of reservation through the subsequent ups and downs of your maturation. When we rekindled, I made certain to control the frequency and depth of our time together, and what's more I on more than one occasion told you exactly why. Don't tell me you're surprised this happened, or else I'm going to have no other choice than to believe you're stone fucking deaf." Yes. He swore. Mark this occasion down for posterity, as such rarely happens.

Silence followed. It was indicative of Damon collecting himself. Taking firm control over his frustrations, and the resulting emotions. When next he spoke, the timbre of his voice was familiarly sanguine. "Now that I've gotten that off my chest, this matter of help. Apply your newfound senses to find me, Epiphany, and we'll talk." After the manner in which he'd just spoken to her, perhaps she might think he was making her put forth the effort just to be. . .a jerk, for want of a better word. While he was entirely capable of such motivation, that wasn't the case this time. If she truly wanted his help, he needed to know just what those senses of hers were capable of. Because if she succeeded in finding him. . .

. . .Well. They'd cross that bridge, if and when the time came.

[Epiphany]

Perhaps that was why she was talking out loud, because she knew that not only could he hear her but that he was nearby. This thought was the reason why when she heard his voice speaking directly to her she didn't gasp in shock but rather her head snapped up in alert. The lights in her room shone brighter for a second before returning to their dulled state. Knowing that he was there the tip of her tongue subconsciously pulled across her lips but the rumbling in her stomach stilled. Figure that. Maybe it was quiet because of the anticipation of food that was filling it?

"Leaving me alone is not helping me either!" Her voice raised at the end but it was quick before she ended it. Now was not the time for yelling. She wasn't going to get frustrated and go off with the first thing that came to her mouth to say. She wasn't . She wasn't. She wasn't She wasn't. There were quite a few things in her mind to say but she was holding back anything else that may be considered as brash.

Epiphany did look around, somewhat. When her head lifted her eyes gave a quick sweep of the visible area before slightly squinting into the darkness. She didn't see him, but something told her that he was near. It was a feeling, a pull inside of her that said he was right there. Tipping up her chin she let her eyes drift closed and her head rest against the back of the wall. The arms around her leg loosened and hung there instead of holding as they were before. She could tell he was angry, the words that he spoke and their tone said it all but she was determined to be calm about this. Thus the closing of her eyes.

If she couldn't physically see him then she was going to see him in her mind's eye and the image she thought up was one of him with his arms crossed and a stern look in his eyes. One of the looks he had given him some time before when he was particularly angry at her. Still, angry or not there was something about his presence that did something to her, especially now since his blood was 'ever fresh' in her system.

Taking in a breath she held it till the count of four before releasing. "Actions are not without their consequences, Damon. I don't have to tell you this. I knew something would happen.. Something always happens." She only never knew what the 'always' was.

"So I don't see why you're upset when we say damn the consequences and do what we do anyway. What we've always done." It did take two, it's not as though she forced him to drink from her - even if she tried to be pretty persuasive and straight forward at times - and he never forced her to take from him. She was starting to be stubborn, she could feel it and she was seeking to push that down and be reasonable.

Her head turned right and then left before up and then down as though she were listening for something or feeling the wind. "I'm not asking for your help because I have regrets over what's happened. No regrets." Epiphany pulled up that extended leg and placed her hands flat on the ground. Both knees now bent she pushed up to standing and leaned against the railing, being sure to keep her eyes closed still. In her mind's eye he had started to pace a little, she always had liked to watch him move. She also saw herself doing what she was doing currently which was leaning on the railing of her balcony.

"I'm hungry and the heartbeats of others are pounding louder in my head lately at night. My bottle isn't doing the trick anymore." She started to push off from the railing to walk into the room but a hooked finger on the rail stopped her. "You know, asking me to find you while you're incorporeal is cheating." And she settled back against the rail.

"Besides, I have no bare legs for you to wrap around or skirt to drift under, so what's the fun in that?" In other words, she thought that he was right besides her as often times when he came to her it would be in the form of air. She could be wrong, that would only mean she would have to try harder.

[Damon Fauci]

After she raised her voice he was quick to reply. His own tone remaining its usual silken candor, his words infuriatingly simple, perhaps. "I beg to differ." But they had always drastically differed in opinion when it came to matters like this, hadn't they, about what was best for the both of them, or for her in particular? And it's because of that difference of opinion that this current situation had come to pass. So Damon believed, at least, and it was this belief which was piloting his behavior now.

Even so. There was one point that they would agree upon, though it was likely for different reasons. "Yes. Something always happens." He would press the emphasis into the always, just as she did, with irony expertly threaded into the delivery. The implications of the repetition of her chosen words he left unspoken. For Damon, there was little use in discussing what was, or what had transpired, as the past could not be changed. His focus then, was on the present and future, as was true always.

And presently, Epiphany didn't see why he was displeased, she was correct about that. "You have no regrets suffering from what it is that I proudly am? How flattering and beneficent of you." Perhaps that would clarify his anger for her. While Damon had intended to cease his words there, in the silence that followed more spilled from his lips. "I understand the feelings of your god and his followers regarding my kind, and how that compels you to speak and act. I understand that it takes incredible willpower and control for you to be in my presence for that very reason. But what you need to understand, Epiphany, is that the respectful majority of my kind do not share the sentiments of your god and his people about our fate. We do not beat our breasts and sob up at the heavens, we do not curse the blood in our veins and whip ourselves with self-hatred, and we actually take the transformation of a human into one of our kind as something sacrosanct. An honor. A gift. Not some haphazard consequence that is the result of coy bedroom flirtation with a big bad danger. So if I were in your position, I would absolutely regret that this has happened to you in this way. Because it's wrong."

Though Damon was not one to speak so candidly about his beliefs or emotions, he'd found he simply could go no further and deal with this situation with clear-headed logic without that being said. Damon and Epiphany had discussions in the past about his struggle with his own desires, specifically how he wrestled with the urges he had in the past to make her one of his own. To tell her about this was to reveal more of himself to her than he had anyone else before. Perhaps it would have done more good in those moments to reveal what he had not said. That he had sired only one vampire in these three plus centuries of his immortal life, and how that sire-child relationship had been like, and how it came to an end. For while Damon was correct about the past being past, it could not be denied that the past could effect the emotional present.

"So forgive me if I'm having trouble being playful right now." A pause. During this slice of silence Damon's would take corporeal shape. He had seen the implication underneath her playful words - that it was her guess, that he was right there. She was correct, somewhat, in the way that he was not a great distance away, hidden among what she could see from the view from her balcony. But he was also not within her reach. He was standing just inside the threshold that stood between her room and the balcony, looking the same polished aristocrat that he always was. Should she choose to face him, she would be treated by the solemn intense gaze of his bottomless black eyes. "You're in no position to tell me what's cheating and what's not, Epiphany. You're caught in the web of my kind now, and you haven't a clue."

For example. Depending just how severe her condition was, how his words affected her would change. More than the simple dreamy thrall that was felt those he was interested in feeding from, she would feel his voice inside of her. A power that could pluck at her very mind and body should he chose to use it. So it always was between sire and 'child'. But the degree to which she felt it - if she felt it at all - depended on the true state of her current condition.

[Epiphany]

Maybe it wasn't so much as her hooked finger on the rail that stopped her to venturing into the room but that she knew he was there in the doorway? It was possible. In spite of his words or the current tone of their conversation, when she saw him she wanted to go to him.

That was only natural, right? Who wouldn't want to go to the one they loved. It couldn't be any thing more . . .
"You know what's wrong to them, Damon? We're wrong. Us." Epiphany said as she waved a hand between herself and the now visible Damon. " This whole relationship that we have together is wrong and none of them would be in this position if there were me because they wouldn't have had anything to do with you by choice in the first place! And even if they had...." Her voice trailed off and she looked away from him but only for a moment. Her attention divereted to the sky before she looked back at him. "They would have ended it when they were commanded to."

Then her finger dropped it's hold on the railing and she brought her hands together in front of her as she took a step closer towards him. A single step and she didn't look away from his eyes as she would have done though she held her hands tightly together. "This isn't wrong to me, not anymore." To say that he knew that once upon a time she did think that they couldn't and wouldn't ever be together. He knew that. "But it's not just about me, it's about you too."

"This is something different and your right, I don't have a clue about all of this but I can feel you now more than before and I like that yet you're treating it like it's a bad thing. Like it's wrong for me to not have regrets. Can't you..." she shook her head. "Just be satisfied that it's your blood and stop being angry?"

And then she took another step to him so she could be closer.

Closer pinched on her hunger again but she pushed it down. "Who says that the wrong can't be right sometimes?" And she was looking up at him with a soft smile as her fingers uncurled from their clasp and the tips tapped against each other.

"I'm still me," to a degree she was "With you inside of me so, clue me in?"

[Damon Fauci]

Epiphany and Damon had talked about 'They' a lot over the years. Understandable, as They were a large part of her reality, something she found great joy and purpose but also great conflict with. In that way, They were a part of Damon's reality too - because of his relationship with her, only. It was for her alone that he weathered hearing of the opinions, beliefs and actions of They when it came up between he and she. Right now, what he'd tried to say in his antiquated, roundabout way was that in this moment he had no patience for They and what they would do or not do, say or not say, themselves or in observation of Epiphany's current situation. That he would look only at her current state through the eyes of his kind, and the opinions, beliefs and actions of his kind only. Unfortunately, by bringing them up his desire backfired, as mentioning them had opened the door to hearing more about They. But maybe he could use that fact to help her understand.

"Yes. I do think it's wrong for you to not have regrets. Didn't I just say that? Do you understand what I mean when I say that conditions like the one you are currently in do not happen haphazardly, that they are part of a larger initiation process that myself and my kindred see as sanctified?" Here he took time. Closed his eyes. Allowed for a silence. This was his way of taking a deep soothing breath, since taking a breath didn't give him the calming benefits humans enjoyed anymore. Damon was not a man who enjoyed feeling regret, and he was feeling regret now. This was one of the few times that remaining so tight-lipped about who he was, what he was and his past was coming back to haunt him. He'd remained tight-lipped about the customs that came with changing a human into a vampire because it was one of the few times he agreed with coven law - the details of it were something you didn't discuss with anyone living unless you had plans beyond certainty to relieve them of their life.

He opened his eyes, their bottomless black fixed on her once more. He would take this slowly. "The way you stand before me now and how you came to be so would be the equivalent of a human being named a Cardinal simply because he opened a cupboard and got smacked in the head with a bible. I know that my reality and the ways of what I am are not your own. But please, for the love of what I find holy try to understand that your state, befallen on you unplanned between us, is something for me to be upset about. People in your accidental state are put to death by the covens, you know, if it's deemed that the change began without proper fostering. Think of it this way. You've agreed you don't have a clue about your current situation. If this had been decided between us, you would have been weened to this point, through a number of steps, over the course of weeks, perhaps even months, as I taught you about what you were preparing to embrace. You would've known how to handle yourself, care for yourself and not….been doing the sort of things you've been doing for the past few weeks."

There he rolled his eyes. He couldn't help himself. While Epiphany was trying methods she found logical, it was hard to be logical about a condition that was alien and still be correct. Damon had found some of what she'd been doing ludicrous, but he while was a beast he was not unreasonable. "I should've stepped in sooner. I was angry." That he could and knew he had to admit. "It's difficult for me to be satisfied that it's my blood, Epiphany, because I don't believe the process of initiation to be an irritating pile of red tape. It's the tender fostering of an inseverable, fathomless connection that's to last eternally. It's…a process that I enjoy. Very much." One that he was denied when he was made, that was the closest that Damon would come to stating that it was a process that he'd lead someone through before.

"Just let me mourn it's loss with you." It was added quietly, as he turned away from her to retreat deeper inside the tower. "And then yes, we'll talk." He'd told her before how he fantasized about making her one of his kind. To see her now, like this because of the result of a mutual accident, was like watching the fantasy of what he thought this would be like between them fly forever away. If his heart still beat, right now it would ache.

[Epiphany]

"Oh."

What he said was finally making its way to sense in her own head and it was because of how he was putting the words now. Or maybe it was the words that he said. Haphazardly.

That word alone was drilling a hole right through her and Epiphany's eyes had moved from looking straight at him to looking down, up and then around to search the area of space around him. She was processing and the words were repeating; her hands closed into fist and then pressed over her heart. She could feel it beating faster the more his words sunk in.

“Oh . . .”

That seemed to be the only thing that she could say at the moment and afterwards she took in deep breaths – because unlike Damon she still needed to breathe – and a hard swallow. People in your accidental state. Accidental state. Accident. She wasn’t sure that she could hear anything outside of that word for it was one that held a lot of personal meaning to Epiphany. So when Damon said that the state she was in was by no means a trifle thing by his people and how devastated he was she may as well have been hit with a ton a bricks right to the heart.

She didn’t like to believe in accidents or call them that rather preferred ‘unexpected event’ or ‘situational circumstance’. They may have meant the same as accident but as it wasn’t the word it was better for her to cope. Epiphany traditionally took these type of incidents and simply worked with them, taking the hits as they came and not worrying about the how or why but only moving forward. But this…accident that had happened between them was causing him pain and that both hurt and worried her and Epiphany was telling herself that he was not upset with her but at how the situation came about.

I’m not the accident. I’m not. What’s happened is the accident. We didn’t do anything wrong.

He was turning away from her then to go more into the room but she wasn’t following. She was staying where she was just outside the threshold with her hands gripping at her chest, eyes wide and settling herself. Didn’t they already have a connection? It had to be her lack of understanding Vampire culture that was currently bringing up the doubt and disbelief in her mind.

It’s like a script gone wrong. We didn’t prepare. That’s what’s wrong. That’s the accident. Not what we shared.

Epiphany squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to help quiet her own thoughts in her head before they opened again and she took steps forward towards him. She wasn’t sure if she should be close at the moment or not but Epiphany wasn’t known for doing the smartest things all the time. He was feeling like he missed an important opportunity and, maybe in ways of tradition he had but from her vantage they shared in their own bonding and forging of connections each time they drank from the other. But for him, she would understand and she knew what it was to mourn something that was lost.

She wasn’t hungry anymore and she caught up to him there in her room and, if he was in a solid state he would feel one of her hands against his shoulder. Another soon followed it after and unless he was moving away from her he’d soon find her head lying against his back. Epiphany almost thought that now she could feel his pain.

[Damon Fauci]

She understood. Regardless of the thoughts and memories that were plaguing him at this moment, he would press that fact into the forefront of his mind. There was relief to be found in that, the lack of need to attempt for a third time to explain why it was that he felt as he did about this situation. Damon was not a man who wished to dwell on his emotional state, and it was rare that his emotions themselves dwelled for this long at a level where they were plainly displayed.

It said something about his relationship to her, that he was even willing to stand in front of her feeling ragged like this. Admittedly he had been waiting until the storm of feelings within him had dulled or disappeared completely to see her, but she had spoken out to him tonight and Damon didn't wish to let her call go unanswered. This was not her fault, after all, there was no need to teach through punishment here.

What was there need for? Comforting her perhaps, educating her certainly. . .he told himself would get to those things shortly. When he retreated deeper into her room he did nothing more than stand at its center, or its near center where there was ample space to do so. When she approached Damon could hear the nearing of her heartbeat, smell the nearing of her scent. Considering her current state, they provided a nice paradoxical contrast, as what he could smell in her scent was usually reserved for those who'd been relieved of the burden of a heartbeat. He didn't turn from her touch when it was given, but he did not shrug her off or move away, either. He continued to be still, and process, until he was ready to speak.

When he did, his tone reflected his wry observation. "At least now there's no more mystery about what I would say." She had said her worry of that fact had been part of what prevented her from calling him sooner. Her hand on his shoulder would follow its rise and fall as Damon drew in an unneeded breath through his nostrils, and let it slowly out. Just for the practice of it, the fact that stopping for breath was a good way to pace and regain oneself. "You can't stay stuck in limbo like this," he finally added when he was confident that he could word this sentiment in such a way that would be less likely to upset her. "The unnatural stalemate of life and death will start to work on your mind in a way that is less than desirable."

As if simply saying so would unstick her, and relieve both of them of the worries connection to this situation. Damon knew better, that it wasn't that simple.

[Epiphany]

Epiphany managed a small smile, even if he couldn't see it as she was behind him - it wasn't a happy smile, but one of those made when you didn't want to frown. She turned her head so that her lips touched against the middle of his back in a kiss then she pushed herself away, voice was soft when she spoke. "I believe I preferred the mystery." At least when she had thought about how this would have been in her head there was only a bit of anger at how sloppily she was taking care of herself with not asking for help but there wasn't any sadness.

When she left his back she folded her arms and let her hands rub up and down in an unneeded attempt to warm herself. She wasn't cold - well her touch was slightly cooler than normal - but she didn't feel cold, it was more of giving her hands something to do. There was a couch nearby and as she scanned the room for it with her eyes, almost missing it because the couch had changed to take on the style of a dark red velvet Victorian fainting couch with mahogany trim. Things in the room did not normally change so...much anymore so perhaps it was his influence in the room? Or maybe it was due to her own mental confusion. Either way it was there and solid enough and Epiphany sat down with a partial flop and leaned against the couches larger arm.

For a change Damon would not hear Epiphany protest or whine about why she could stay in her current state and nothing was wrong with it. Being in limbo between life and death was the state that Fallon was in - even if his was two sides of a celestial - and she knew that it made him crazy in more ways than just one. Sure, he had learned to deal with that balance, but how long had it taken him? All of his life? And what had it cost him? Probably something she wasn't willing to pay. Then again, there was always a price to pay no matter what happened in the end.

She licked her lips a moment and pulled her legs up under her. "I've heard the Nuns and Priest whisper about a cleansing." A brief pause. She was studying the fabric of the couch. "They didn't know I could hear them. Or maybe they did and that's why they whispered it around me." Quite possible. There had to be some reason why they still allowed her to come and go on the grounds, seems that they wanted her back to how she was. Of course they would.

"But if I go that way I'll loose something more and we'll be back to the point where we always find ourselves." So maybe she was debating her cause in a way, only being subtle about it.

She had her head turned away from him because of the belief that he didn't want to see her this way, or her to see him in his rare emotional state of distress.

"I'm not even sure if I can die." She had come close to it before when she drained herself of all that blood to fill the bottle so perhaps it was possible that her human side could die. But would the other part of her let that happen? That thought alone was worthy of a sigh.

[Damon Fauci]

Despite his current mood her comment about mystery made him laugh. A short, bemused laugh which was gone as quickly as it came. "I know you would. You should be thankful I don't - when I have a desire to maintain mystery it doesn't go well for the other parties involved. At least not in the way they expected." A slight smirk, as he turned around to face her just in time to see her recline on the antiquated couch. He was speaking of the times he used mystery during his nightly hunts, certainly, but there were other facets of his daily 'work' in which mystery afforded him great advantage as well.

"Good, I'm glad they're whispering." It was likely the first time Damon had said anything positive about the nun, priest, and the church from whence they came. While Epiphany would probably be less than pleased to hear him say that, it was the truth. "I've been doing my own fair share of whispering out of your earshot, and the Kalderash will be sad to learn you're no longer stopping by." Coming here tonight that had been Damon's original intention - after assessing the degree to which she was afflicted, he was going to throw her over his shoulder if need be and carry her there to the camp of his allies, which was currently in a location farther north than it was before. The clan traveled with the seasons, and the summer of the north was easier to bear.

Though she had her eyes averted and her head turned away he was watching her. Her body language told him a tale of its own, his bottomless black eyes giving it slow examination before his gaze lifted to arch a brow at her. That was when she'd dropped the phrase 'lose something'. "Of course we'll be back at the point where we always find ourselves." It was agreement that came with smooth, confident tones that probably gave little comfort to her considering the point she was trying to make. "For I will never join you in the church pews spouting wings and warbling Hosannahs, and you will never join me in the earth clawing your way to a life that needs only blood to be eternal. As you've just said, you're not even sure if you can die." And a death was part of the change, inevitably.

"So I don't see why you're upset when we say damn the consequences and do what we do anyway. What we've always done." He was giving her words back to her, changing the emphasis in the second sentence because she seemed remorseful about going back to where they always find themselves. Here he took a seat next to her, close enough that their legs touched, though he suspected she'd be less than pleased with him for using her own turn of phrase against her. "What else it there to do?" He added this after a brief pause, leaning to prop his elbows up on his knees so he could have a good view of her now. "As you are, in this limbo, if you had any more of my blood you should know what would happen."

The effects she suffered from now would increase. "Physically, mentally…spiritually," Damon made sure to add that one with a pointed look. "The change happens on every level of a person's existence. No nook or cranny is safe, and the beast in the blood gets very demanding when it wants the mortal death of its host."

[Epiphany]

"Just so you know," Epiphany cleared her throat and lifted her head up from the arm of the couch, even if she was still looking away from him. "I have never warbled any Hosannahs." This went without saying that she had never heard that particular word before - warbles - but it didn't sound very good how he had said it. She needed something to say and that sounded as good as anything and now that she had made her small, smart comment Pip now felt a little better.

If she had been standing then she would currently be boring the toe of her shoe into the floor. Instead she was lightly scratching the arm of the couch with her forefinger as she chewed on unspoken words. Glad they were whispering. Indeed.

"I wasn't upset about any of this and I'm hardly upset about it now." Realizing that she still had her chin turned slightly upward she put it back down. Down and pulled off of the arm to actually face him and she tried not to frown in the process. "I'm only put-off because..." Trailing off she went to look at his face but her eyes stopped short at his neck.

"Because the way I am now is so saddening to you." She went for a partial smile and her eyes left the location on his neck and choose his face. "I know my state isn't a good thing from what you've said but what about if the cleansing does work and they are able to remove your blood from my system. We can't go back to how we were without risking this happening again." Their past meant sharing in each others blood and that's what caused her current state.

"Are you going to be at peace with this 'accident' if or when it happens again?" She didn't like using the word but since he had spoken it earlier she thought it would be good to stick with a common word understanding. "And if it were to happen again do you think that they'd be so eager to redo the extraction again?"

There were more than a few 'if' factors involved here and right now she couldn't see a positive in them. "I don't want to have to stop partaking in you, or the other way around. To me it's a special thing that we share and not doing that....It connects me to you Damon." It would be hard for her to not want to bite him, even if it wasn't for blood, she enjoyed their passing of blood because of how close it brought her to him.

"What is it that you would have me do? And don't give me any of that 'I want you to do what's best for you ' spiel either." Then, almost as an afterthought she remembered. "And why can't I visit the Kalderash again?"

[Damon Fauci]

"Never twittered Amens like a swallow?" He was trying to lighten the moment, but perhaps his humor would be ill-timed or ill-suited, or both. Still, the beastly smirk so familiar to her curled his lips, and he watched her watch his neck. He was not about to make an offer, especially when he'd just told her what the result would be of her dining further on his immortal blood.

"As for what I will and will not give you any of, you have precious little control over that. Especially now." Yes, he skipped to that point in her response, choosing not to address the mood that had hampered him on his arrival here or the issue of whether or not he would be at peace should this occasion repeat. He believed those small matters could wait. "Let's make no mistake, this is about you. No matter what happens to you tonight, tomorrow, a year from now, my own state and well-being will remain as unchanged as it has for almost three hundred years. You are the one facing change, Angel, not me. So you have my apology as now my focus is what's 'best' for you."

He flashed her a grin, she could consider it part of his apology or an attempt to make up for what she'd called his sadness. A handsomely fleeting smile, he then leaned back on the couch to put his arm around her, his cool hand stroking her shoulder. Perhaps he hoped that this slouching state of relaxation would be contagious, and she'd settle back as well. Damon figured it'd do them both well to relax.

"I'm not arguing that it's not a special thing, if it didn't connect us in the way it did I would't have let you repeatedly risk doing it. But if we don't go back to how we were before your limbo, I've already told you what would happen were you to partake in me again. Do you get what I'm saying?" His endless black eyes fell on her face, at whatever angle he could see her, studying her current expression. His words got more silken as they slowed, it was obvious that he was putting power behind them to help drive the point home. "The change would continue to grow stronger until the beast in the blood got wild enough that you'd willingly carry out your own death, beckoned to by instinct."

In a moment of silence that followed, Damon's fingertips would trace the back of her neck idly if she allowed it. Bottomless black eyes were now fixed on a point just over her shoulder, as if staring off would help in some fashion. He knew the name he was about to mention had the potential to elicit a rather strong response from Epiphany. "Were this woman before me - you, the same woman who clung to me with tearful spirit so frantic that any of my recent hunts had caused any death after she herself was its temporary nurse - to ask Jade what lessons she must endure from me in the name of truly becoming what the blood requires of those it claims . . . hearing the tales she'd disdainfully recount you'd find you two actually have a shining light in common. Light that protects your precious humanities, one that neither of you will ever be able to shed, no matter what horrors the world throws at you to try to pull you down into the necessary immortal darkness. I know you're probably less than thrilled that I've mentioned her, but Jade's choice was taken from her, Epiphany, and she will either have to find a way to break herself of the light or she will go mad. You have a choice, and please realize now what the road this limbo is on is setting you up for." Damon suspected the light in her would not give her up so easily.

And he'd never forget that night not too long ago, he'd never seen Epiphany in such a ragged state torn by her own passionate empathy for others. It was what compelled him to acquire that relic he'd given her, and relics were not something he handled lightly. "If I really believed you could handle being what I am I'd have pushed the issue years ago, I'm not a very altruistic man." Despite his smirk, it was the truth. Damon was nothing if not honest when it came to such affairs.

[Epiphany]

Settling back with him on the couch Epiphany tried not to sulk at what she had heard Damon say. Time to focus on the positive things in all of this: he wasn't treating her like she had the plague and he was initiating touch. Sometimes, or depending on who you asked, she needed to feel like she wasn't 'wrong' and that she had a place to be. At first, with how they first met this evening, she had the thought of rejection because of how he had acted - hey, she could be paranoid sometimes - and bits of insecurity were creeping which is why she said some of her things. Epiphany may have ad a creative mind but it could also script out tragic worst possible scenarios, but now it was settling because she felt affirmed and accepted.

His finger on her neck caused her to pull in a slow and deep breath and instinctively turn and tip her head to further expose it to him. Even if the possibility of dinning off of him was on hold for now she didn't see that translating to going the other way around. Her offering herself to him in that way wasn't anything she questioned or hesitated about anymore.

Epiphany had something to say, something that she thought would help them to feel even better and was about to suggest it when he started talking about Jade. That caused her to tense and she felt her boil as anger sparked under the surface. "I was trying to be nice to Jade but the other day I was this close to ----" Suddenly cutting herself off as something Damon said hit her and her eyes opened wide and she was still.

"What...did you say?" Now she wasn't sure that she heard Damon right. She turned her head to look at him and pulled an inch away from him in disbelief. "Did you say that Jade, Ja-d-e, has light in her? Well I suppose it's not totally unbelievable, she is friends with Gwen." To her that explained it and maybe it did in a way. In an odd way that she couldn't fully explain at the moment.

Her eyes narrowed and she started rubbing her right thumb over the left as she tried to sort things out in her head and make sense of this new information. "So Jade.. is a vampire with goodness still in her, or are you saying that hypothetically instead of literally? It could make a lot of difference. We hate each other, especially now I'm sure." After how those two had parted ways she wasn't going to have delusions about them being civil.

"But...if I have to be rid of this darkness, and she really has to be rid of her light, there may be a way to do it without involving the church." The thought of what could be was making her think back to when she was younger, 16, before she had even met Damon in fact and she started to frown deeply. It made her think about how she was after that particular incident and. . .

She shook her head, no need to think of it if Damon was only speaking hypothetically, right? Right. Epiphany rubbed her jaw as she felt hunger start to sink back in.

"It's hard to concentrate when you're hungry."

[Damon Fauci]

With their connection running as deep as it was, it was quite possible Damon had picked up on her need to be affirmed. It was potentially part of why his humour had changed so quickly, why his rarely emotional state had passed over as fast as a summer thunderstorm. Then again, Damon was not a man who needed to dwell in feelings. He'd had his response, he'd made it and what he felt she needed to be told known to her, and now attention could be paid to her and the matter at hand.

When she further exposed her neck, the spread of Damon's fingers widened. So the full of the area would feel the caress of his cool fingertips. While his eyes studied the smooth of her neck momentarily, he would lift them a moment later to resume his study of her face. If drinking from her was a possibility tonight, it was not likely that it would happen quite yet. When she mentioned trying to be nice to Jade, it pulled a bemused little smirk from him, but he said nothing. Though he knew he was in possession of information that could shed light on Jade's behavior, meddling in the affairs of the two women was not in his best interests, nor was it his desire.

He would, however, answer Epiphany's question. "Yes, I did. And I meant it literally. She has what the coven's come to call a touch of gold, as her touch comes with an incredible healing capability. Something tied deeply to her body, because these fifteen years it's continually been trying to heal itself of her current condition. A fact which is stunting her immortal growth, as you could imagine." Damon arched his brow at her as he observed the particulars of her reaction, and her interest in Jade. It was hard to tell if this is the response he hoped for when he'd mentioned the other blonde in the first place. "So yes, by your definition I'm saying goodness is still inside of her. Now, what difference does that make, to you or your church?"

The hatred he said nothing about, though he found hatred to be an exhausting, yet idle practice. Instead his wolfish lips curled in a pronounced smirk when she complained about hunger and concentration. "Perhaps you wouldn't be plagued with such hunger, Epiphany, if you went out hunting. Or ignored the hunger of your teeth entirely and continually fed the hunger of your stomach instead." In his prior experiences with those who found themselves in this teetering limbo state, he'd observed that if the individual ignored the vampiric instincts and cravings entirely they weakened as time passed from neglect.

[Epiphany]

Since her body was reminding her that she was hungry - or really her jaw and something else she couldn't quite place - that was the issue she would address first. Epiphany pulled her knees up more on the couch and positioned herself against Damon until she was snuggled against him comfortably; hopefully not disturbing his action on her neck.

"I tried to ignore it at first. Tried hard to and didn't indulge that side for days. I even drank coffee and red wine because I heard that can help." It could have been superstition but she didn't know any other way as she never asked him what he did to ebb his hunger. She figured he simply fed when hungry.

"But I couldn't focus well. At all. I guess I should have shut myself away underground but I had to get started on the clinic and all those heartbeats were a cruel tease..." Heartbeats. That made her trail off in her own thoughts about the warm blood pumping through the veins of the people in the Inn and about the workers she would see come morning. With a slightly frustrated sigh she looked up at him with a hint of small plea in her eyes. "You remember how hungry I was that day I changed." he'd remember what she was talking about. The 24 hour polyjuice potion.

"It wasn't that strong but it was pretty aggressive and you know I don't each much anyway but I tried and it just didn't do it for me. Though I'm starting to think that drinking from the bottle I keep for the Vampires is making the hunger worse because it's not giving the same effect as before." That could have all to do with the fact that what was in the bottle was meant for Vampires, not 'mortals'. Who knew what she was drinking but it tasted like blood to her!

"Since you can't share.... Hunting would be grand if I had the proper tools." Using the term he used for the teeth on a few occasions. "My foster- brother will bleed for me though. My half brother says I should see my dad, though I'm sure he'll only advocate me changing." Would he? It made sense to her that he would considering that all his other children were Vampires. It would be a 'welcome to the family' type of thing.

Epiphany should stop thinking about blood even if now was a bit late. Her jaw was throbbing and she was rubbing it with her hand to help ease the tension. Thus, she didn't say anything for a moment or two, only cuddled against him and rubbed her jaw. Thinking. Hunting would be a good idea, but on the same hand she wasn't to sure about partaking in strangers.

"As for Jade, if she has Light and I have Dark," to use simple terms, "We could always transfer. Pushing what's in me to her and vice versa, but we'd need a conduit. I was used as one years ago." Going quiet as her lips tried to curl down to a frown. "It wouldn't exactly be the same and there are consequences, not to mention Jade wanting to help is as likely as me growing fangs." Considering Epiphany's current state the possibility wasn't ruled out, so what did that say about Jade?

The factors brought about complications and it's not exactly an experience she looked back on with joy. She suddenly grinned and tipped her head up to look at him. "At least you can't say that you're time with me is ever dull." It was a joke. She was always bad at jokes.

[Damon Fauci]

"Coffee and red wine?" Damon arched his brow, and he did his best not to look amused, or smug. "Because of their high iron content, I'll wager. Nevermind that one is a stimulent and the other a depressant, where my concern lies is that they're both liquids. Eat a bran muffin or a large slab of meat, something that actually has to make your digestive organs work. There's nothing that reminds a body that it's alive like making it labor."

As she settled back into him he would have to adjust his arm to a different angle to continue his stroke of her neck, but he was otherwise undisturbed. Physically speaking, at least. "You're pandering to the blood too much. You should have shut yourself away underground? No. Best lay in the sun and get a nice tan. While I do remember how hungry you were the day you changed, the key word is changed. You were, for that span of tweny-four hours, entirely a vampire. Currently you are not, or else you would have the proper tools to hunt and sustain yourself and what blood you drank from the bottle would have afforded you some relief."

In that way, Damon was echoing the notion that Epiphany should stop thinking about blood. To make matters worse, when he looked down at her and caught her rubbing at her jaw, his hand left her neck to reach around and pull hers away. Holding it firmly in his cool fingers, lowering it out of reach. "So why behave like it and nurse it like you are? The way you seem to be nurturing the blood like a plant you wish to grow suggests to me you're hoping this is the accidental excuse you need to make it more likely that you'll grow fangs. Pick at a scab, Epiphany, and it takes much longer to go heal and go away."

"As for Jade, I won't pretend I can speak for her." He tried to temper his grin. Damon knew full well he had the authority to speak for her, but what was behind the smile that threatened was the knowledge of how she behaved in those instances. Nothing like watching a spoiled child rail knowing you were the cause. "But in my experience with her, I do know that her humanity is intensely precious to her. I can require her to speak to you, however, if you want to make the attempt."

When she tipped her head up at him Damon lookd down at her, a slight curl to the corner of his lips as he studied her grin. "No, my time with you is never dull. Your teeth are, however, and you need to get their point." Spoken with his confident, silken nonchalance, a dry smile curled his lips as if to say pun intended.

[Epiphany]

Epiphany was stewing. Stewing and chewing on what Damon told her about nursing the blood habit and what she may be implying. However, though she was feeling a tang of trying to take root in the pit of her stomach she beat it down and kept her mouth shut. If she said anything now it would be that she didn't want the fangs and that she wasn't nurturing it when in fact she knew that it would be a lie. 

To put it plainly she wouldn't be so terribly upset if one day she woke up to find that her canines had more than a standard point. 

There was a whole lot of negative and very little positive for her to see. "I hardly see any good in any of this." Came the mumbled words from her mouth as her head was down and looking at her hand he was holding. "Or any good coming from this." The finicky  sun and pesky want for blood, thinking of the painful extraction to get the vampire out of her system and the worry of it happening again should she ever get to drink from him after this. It was enough to make her sigh, and she did. 

"I did try meat. A steak." Catch the irony. "Cooked on the outside and raw internally, was okay. I don't think it really agreed with me all to well though..." Epiphany rarely ate as it is so having meat - especially basically raw meat - not sit well with her can't be that surprising.  

"I can get use to the sun." She could, especially since she still went out in it. "It's only a small annoyance. Like having an itch you can't scratch, sooner or later you forget about it if you give yourself things to do. But continual 'doing' makes a person tired and without the 'doing' the itch comes back at a stronger force."  Here she paused a moment and there was this absent feel about her as though her mind was elsewhere, "Then you get use to it." 

Then she suddenly frowned while scrunching up her nose and the doors that had lead out to the outside closed without a sound, taking that bit of moonlight with it. All done subconsciously in her slightly unbalanced mind frame it was her minds way of symbolizing shutting things out. Getting rid of the exits and letting her be with her thoughts. By the lack of light in the room - aside from the few wall sconces - her thoughts were dark. 

She curled in more to Damon, turning to hook her legs over his to be closer. "I want to belong somewhere." It was another small mood shift. "Help me think of something else."

[Damon Fauci]

"But you should remember, Epiphany, that goodness isn't linked to our sight, or our perspective. If it was, well. Take what my definition of goodness would be, for example, were such a thing left up to my discretion." An almost proud smirk twisted his lips. To him, goodness was a far bigger picture that few could truly fathom. But his level of detachment from what was truly good and what was truly evil went hand in hand with his detachment from humanity, time, and all the rest. It was only through Epiphany and his sometime interactions with other mortals that he even thought about such things at all.

Was Damon implying that goodness had a strong involvement in her current situation? Yes.

He would extrapolate on this, all in good time. For the rest of what she spoke to him, he was silent. Allowing her to voice everything she wished to voice, by the time she implored him for help Damon found himself about to say what he'd suspected all along and yet left unsaid. Bottomless black eyes turned when he heard the movement of the doors, and he watched them close. It was likely the underlying meaning wasn't lost on him. It was time. His cool hand moved along one of her legs, as if the caress was a physical attempt to soften what he felt might be a verbal blow.

"Epiphany, what you're describing defies all vampiric explanation. It's simply not what happens to someone who suffers from drinking too much of our blood too often without seeing it through to a death. If it were, the attempts you've been trying to make to reduce the itch and strength of the blood in your veins would have provided you some release, and restored some semblance of balance to your body." While he would make his view on this plain, he did try to employ a bit of gentility to the tone and pace of his words. "If this were an issue of my blood alone, it would have worked its way out of your body weeks ago." There it was again, an implication left undefined as he'd done with his comment on goodness.

A pause followed, as Damon considered just how he wanted to finally define his take on this matter. "Any 'help' on my end would only intensify your state, not give it surcease. So what I can offer you now in manner of help by way of advice is no different than what you probably already know within you: you need to talk to your god. I suspect it's he who's taken away your sense of belonging by prolonging your internal…well, mess." A dry little smile was given to her as his hand left her leg, reaching up to stroke a single time through her hair.

During that touch he debated, and in a rare moment of desiring full disclosure he chose to add one more thing. "On my part I could seek counsel with the eldest I know about your situation, but he happens to be tied, naturally, to the St. Louis coven. I sincerely doubt they're going to want to help you clean your system of this predicament, Epiphany, as you are the reason they placed Jade here. She was to watch you. The Angel. If they found out you've lost your holy gleam they'd probably jump for joy." It was the successful execution of the solstice ritual with Titania that allowed him to overhear that confirmation of the coven's cloaked plans, and the fact they centered around the fact they'd found out what Epiphany was. Damon hadn't told her because he wanted to know more first, but why not pour lemon juice on an open wound, right? Since they were dealing with one problem already. . .

[Epiphany]

"I'd rather take my chances in Saint Louis than talk to my god." Even if he already knew what was going on the person always had free will and he was always there. You only had to seek.

Damon was right, it wasn't something she wanted to hear and it was not simply due to the complications. Jade. She always knew that the girl was there for a reason and she suspected she was being watched when Damon took her out of town for those few days. Hearing it as a confirmation was only making it more real. "Do they think I'm going to wipe all of you out or something? If they do then I think the head of your Coven is meeting with my God and discussing tactics. And I haven't lost anything. It's still there. It's still there." As she had implied earlier, that side of her - with it's pushing and banging to get out - was something she had set to ignore.

The touch on her leg helped for her not to drift too much into her own thoughts. It kept her grounded and remembering that - even though it may feel like it - she wasn't physically alone. "I'd face anyone but Him, my god, about this. I can't." She stopped herself for a moment. Body curled into him a bit more and her eyes squeezed shut as she drew in a deep breath and then another for good measure.

Slowly she started to shake her head as she sat back up. "I don't belong there as long as I'm with you." Epiphany said it without looking at him.

"After.... After I left the Alliance I went off to make my decision. You remember I had to choose which path I wanted to take: Light or Dark." That was said in case he had forgotten. "And when I stood before his council with everything laid out in front of me I begged and I pleaded to please let keep my humanity. Some of it. Any of it. I didn't want to loose it and loose all of who I am. I didn't want that. But I was told I could keep a portion so I could continue to do my work here but I would have to give up the Dark." Pulling in her bottom lip she chewed on it for a moment.

"Stop flirting with it. Stop dancing with it. Loose the love I had for it. I was to throw it all away. But I didn't." Now Epiphany made move to get off Damon and the couch for she needed to stand as moving would help her to stay level now and calm. "Even after how we parted I couldn't say goodbye to you and I kept that letter and I kept the watch. I wasn't going to let you go and He knew I kept those things and that I wasn't as fully committed as I said I was. Knew and yet He changed me anyway. That's why it's harder to be around you and other creatures of that nature."

"I defy Him every time I say 'no' and don't do what I've been commanded to do. I fund an Inn that has vampires and demons living right under it's roof and I don't do a thing. It's my humanity that says we're all sinners and doesn't make them more willing of death than anyone else; and it's that same humanity that he'll take from me so that I can do what he commanded of me if I go asking him to rid me of this.” The last stated with her arms sweeping down her front before she scrubbed her hands over her face and covered her eyes.

“Or he really will take my wings from me and let me be fully human like I almost was the last time we spent a night or days drinking from one another." She had been without that side of her for months after that as a penance and was only getting back to how she was when Gwen had fallen through the picture in her room and Epiphany leap to catch her.

"He'll take it away from me." The 'it' could be debatable, though it was assumed she meant her humanity from what she said earlier it could easily refer to her Angelic half.

Words were slightly muffled as her hands were still over her eyes and therefore her arm slightly covered her mouth but she thought he could hear her just fine. He may also note the shaky undertone in her voice. "He's just waiting on my confession. You're either hot or you're cold, there is no gray area and you can't ride the fence or he will cast you out."

Epiphany took down her hands from her face and turned to the wall where the door to the porch had been. "And maybe that's what happened to my mother? She got involved with a vampire and died shortly after I was born. Cast out and died." That is what Epiphany knew of her birth as told to her from her Foster-Mom and it was now sitting on the forefront of her mind.

No matter how ridiculous it may seem and despite the fact she had vampire blood running through her veins, right now, because she had thought about her mother, Epiphany believed that she was going to die.

[Damon Fauci]

"That's only because you don't understand the structure of St. Louis. While I'm certain they're not cavorting with your god, their views on punishment in this instance would be quite the same." Damon had already told her, in the midst of his more emotional words, that individuals who found themselves in a state like this without being properly initiated were put to death. "As circumstantial immortals and predators, their favorite punishment is death. With torture a close second. In either case, whether one is forced to die or forced to live is the centerpiece of discipline." Something which Damon knew a lot about, as he was often the coven's Grim Reaper. That was the function he'd agreed to play for them long ago, in exchange for great liberty to otherwise do as he pleased.

"Your fascination with darkness extends beyond me, Epiphany." As if he needed to remind her. But in this moment, he felt he did. Because of what he was about to say next. "Considering that, I don't understand why you chose light when asked to make the choice, but that's a moot point now I know." It was so easy for Damon to say. Even when he was alive and human, the elements of his humanity had provided more of a hinderance than a help, so when he was changed he shed that mortal skin with an ease that most who'd made the transformation had never witnessed before. Much to the chagrin of his Maestro, whose grand plan had backfired.

"As you've bluntly stated that you've been knowingly defying him, it seems to me that confirms why you're as you are right now. Doesn't your god do exactly this, orchestrate events so that the individual in question has to face him and ask for mercy? If he's going to cast you out eventually for riding the fence . . . it seems that avoidance is a tactic that's not going to bear fruit here." That was how Damon thought. In tactics and desires. As his arm wrapped to encircle her after she drew closer to him, fingers idly stroked her side in silence. Thinking back, to prior conversations and debates, but he couldn't recall there being an answer in the past to the question he was about to ask. "If there is a chance he'll give you your full humanity back, strip you of your fealty to him . . . isn't that worth the risk which comes in speaking to him?" Damon thought that was what she wanted, though he could be mistaken. And if it was, well. Humanity was certainly a gift that speaking to St. Louis wouldn't unfurl.

Speaking of St. Louis. "They do not think that, no. There are other angels far more . . . militant than you that captivate their attention in that way. Why they watch you I suspect is for a reason more personal to them." As Damon didn't know for sure he wasn't going to be any more specific than that. And for that reason he wasn't entirely convinced he should approach the eldest at all about Epiphany's current state. The order from the coven might be as simple as, 'kill her Damon'. And what would he do then?

So in that way, in this moment, both of them were thinking about the 'what if' of her demise.

[Epiphany]

"I wouldn't have been able to continue my work at the Orphanage had I chosen dark," Epiphany said in response as to why she choose that side. "I couldn't let them down. Or Suzies...and my responsibilities." She didn't care to much about leaving the Nuns and the Priest behind - maybe one of them.

"And all the other people that I couldn't be around or the promise...." Rambling. She was about to start rambling and therefore simply stopped talking for the moment. When it had come to a decision on which side she was going to choose it wasn't easy and her decision wasn't actually one that leaned in the direction of the Light, but she had chosen it and that was that. When it came to making decisions there were good and bad things both.

Then there was Damon's other question. Did she want her humanity back?

Now when Epiphany first discovered that she wasn't fully human she was devastated. Already having the feeling of being an outcast and unwanted knowing that she wasn't an ordinary person - or something more common like an elf - had been a hard truth to swallow. She remembered how much she had wanted to be nothing but normal and all the work she went into hiding what she was. She remembered the reactions of the people who knew and the silent judgements they would make when she did something 'wrong'. Only recently has she been more open about it and that was mostly due to circumstance.

Epiphany had grown use to being what she was and there were benefits. All the things she could do that she wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. Like healing. She was doing it before she knew what she was but now her healing was more effective. And what about her sister? If Epiphany lost that side of her then Gwen would be without a teacher, or someone to talk to about what she may be going through.

She thought about that, and a few things more as she looked at that wall. Her arms crossed and she bit her bottom lip a moment while her foot tapped on the ground. She wasn't going to answer the question as she probably should for she didn't know yet if it would be a lie or not. So instead she said, "If I were fully mortal I would want you as my Sire." Amongst other things, but that is what she thought to say and she turned her head to look over her shoulder at him. There was no flinch or hesitation in saying that because it only made sense. He did tell her one time ago that he would the one to turn her and not someone else. Besides, the way she saw it the odds of her staying human around him were very slim when taking into account the way they were together.

That being said could mean that she was actually considering a petition but the variables on what she would be petitioning for were still unconfirmed in her mind.

[Damon Fauci]

"Why not?" It was not a rhetorical question. Perhaps it was his limited dealings with children, that he didn't understand why she wouldn't have been able to continue her work with them. Unless it was the practical matter that the orphanage was on consecrated ground...but even then Damon himself could weather the irritation that came with most churches and crosses and the like. It was the relic-quality items or places of sanctified religiocity that he couldn't stand, such as the holy grail or the tomb of saint someone-or-other.

"And what's more, as a bringer of light there are people you couldn't be around," including himself of course, there was no need to state what was already known between them, "and yet you are. And yet as you said yourself, you give haven to all manner of dark creatures which is a form of protection sure as your nature gives to those filled with goodness. There are always loopholes, no matter how dogmatic and controling the ruling body." That was Damon's history in politics showing, the kind of thinking passed down to him by his great-uncle Niccolo and shaped by watching the career of his father and its tragic end.

He watched her wrestle with her own thoughts. Rather he was observing the outward manifestation of the conflict, shown through her posturing, foot tapping, and so on. He did nothing to push her to an answer, or to interupt her musing. This is where having infinite time fueled patience. Besides, it was quite possible that Damon was just fine with the questions she'd left unanswered being rhetorical. So long as they incited her to think - which they clearly had - it was enough for him. As he'd said earlier, the focus was on her.

The last thing she said, however. Lofted up his brow as his raven black eyes looked back in to hers. "I hope that's just flirtation talking, Angel. Because if it's not. . . " What? How Damon was going to answer the sentence was unknown, beyond a look away and a brief shake of his head. Then he turned his attention back to her. A hand petting down her back as if to tell her through the action that he wasn't angry at her, or even irritated. It was the notion itself which drew the response. "In theory, you might. In practice, I don't think so. You think your god has a tight leash on you? Were I your sire I'd have absolute control over you which I could exercise at my whim and will and I know you, Epiphany, you'd hate it."

A pause, during which he gave her a smirk that was as beastly as it was smug. "Except you wouldn't hate it, because I wouldn't let you." Did she get that bit of dark humor? Added by him to illustrate his point. For all the years he'd known her, one thing had always held true to her character no matter what else changed - when someone tried to control her, my were they in for a rebellion.

[Epiphany]

Epiphany began to twist the toe of her shoe into the floor and if it had been made of dirt then her twisting would have fostered results. Oh yes, she was full of non-verbal cues and body language this evening. 

"It's not just a playful flirt, Damon, I couldn't stand being nothing but human after all of this," she said while her head tipped down and turned to look at him better. "I'd likely loose my mind at the feeling being full humanity would bring me now. Loneliness. I've had bits of it before and to feel it more completely?"  She closed her eyes and shook her head only to open them again as she spoke once more. 

"I'd need something." 

And to her what would be better than to feel him fully? Epiphany did understand that she would be under his influence - she would call it that instead of control - and he understood her rebellious nature. If wanting this girl to do something it was best not to restrict her. "Besides, do you really believe you'd let me remain a human?"

As for the church, "They watch me like a hawk now, afraid that I'll suddenly turn on the kids or one of the parishioners. The Dark doesn't belong there; they won't let them in through the gate." Damon had been there once, on the outside if she remembered right, by the gate. He had never been inside. "I  was fortunate to get in myself."

The Church. There was something about that church and Epiphany knew what they did to the creatures of the Dark. In the past there was one Fallen - that she knew of - who had been able to enter but even then it was barely. 

"I suppose it's all speculation and no use to dwell on it since I don't know what will be." As he was close her arms moved to wrap around him in an embrace that she needed. "I'll contact... someone." The person she was thinking of she hadn't seen in a long while but that didn't mean he wasn't still around traveling from church to bar to tavern and smiting down the wicked. No mortal person could ever simply go before god and expect to live, they had to have a middleman. Even when Epiphany Healed others she wasn't bold -or stupid- enough to take what she needed without asking. 

"But it may take some time.  What do I do till then?"

[Damon Fauci]

Damon was, as was usual for him, suppressing many of the non-verbal cues that would have surfaced during this discussion. He knew she was under duress, and he didn't want to add to that, which is why he didn't let his threatening exasperation wear on his brow. So many years of him wrestling with his want to turn her, and the fruits of that internal struggle had finally been a true realization on his part that despite the romance between them he believed her ill-suited for the vampire's life. And now once the temptation had faded, she was continuing to try and persuade despite his voiced stance on the matter tonight. He wasn't a man very willing to repeat himself, but it wasn't even that which vexed him. The more her reasons were confessed, the more it reaffirmed his decision that the life wasn't for her.

A moment of silence as he chose his wording, his arm winding around her in response to her embrace. He was able to release the threatening exasperation by remembering that as she wasn't a vampire, what it was like was hard for her to truly understand. Just as it was for him when it came to her angelic reality. "Becoming a vampire is not a band-aid for loneliness, Epiphany. In fact, it's the opposite. What we were in life we take with us in death to remain so eternally, with our blood embellishing the darker nature of those traits and urging us to act on them. I was a calculating mortal, and you see for yourself how that quality in me manifests now, in a beastly way. If you felt lonely as a mortal living only a couple of decades, can you imagine what you would feel carrying that emotion within you as a creature that is inevitably always on the outskirts of living society as a peripheral being?"

She asked him if he'd let her remain a human, and to that question he did not provide an answer. Instead, his hand pet down her arm before he squeezed her into him. As a vampire, there was so much that was attractive to him about humans. While he'd wrestled with the temptation to consume her completely into his life, it was the difference between them that was the true delight. How her warmth met his cold, her life met his death, the immediacy of her emotions contrasting the immortal nature of his own. And of course, there was that little fact that her blood could literally sustain him. To a vampire, that was the ultimate sacrifice of love. One of the singular ways to nurture a being whose heart no longer beat. In siring her, all of that would be lost forever. She longed for them to have the highest level of closeness, he already believed they had it.

Instead he had a dry response to the actions of the church. "My, how very few humans must ever step through their gate." His implication was, of course, that few humans were filled with light alone. He would keep his comment to just the one, however. While he did not hold the church in high regard he held Epiphany so, and as such he always made an effort to rely on his aristocratic upbringing to keep even his more candid sentiments on the respectful side.

"What will you do?" Down his raven black eyes looked when she posed her final question to him. "Endure. You've heard my suggestions, you have the methods you've been employing on your own. . ." She'd feel his shrug against her, pressed against him like she was. "The only other thing a person in your situation would do, Epiphany, is pray." How ironic, but true.

[Epiphany]

Epiphany was going to take his comment about humans as a joke, because he had to be joking. Humans were faulty by nature, but she wasn’t talking about humans when she made her statement – the church had the belief that even the worst of them could turn around and be the greatest advocate for their cause. But this was only if they were human but not a creature of the Dark. Perhaps they were hypocrites in that regard.

The loneliness was probably another that she should have explained in more detail, but she hadn’t and now she didn’t want to think on it. Instead she was choosing to think about her being him with him before she had to think more on what she knew she’d have to do. It was always one thing to know you have to do a thing and ignore it; quite another to know you have something to do and have someone else tell you the same thing once they knew of the situation. It created a feeling of accountability for next time the person saw the one they advised they were likely to ask if they had done the deed.

"Yeah, sure. I'll pray," there was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm and gusto in her tone . She already prayed... more or less, but she knew what he meant. "I only have to make sure that I'm praying for the right thing." Fingers stroked idly down Damon's chest and she watched the imaginary lines that they made on him.

"The right thing.” Whatever it was there was more chance of her doing that then praying.

First, the one thing she wanted to do was go speak with her father – her real father – to learn about her mother. What Epiphany knew about her could fit in a shot glass and since her mother was the same as she, with a similar situation (so she thought) she wondered if her father would have known what she was going through.

“Morning will be here soon,” as in a few hours. Though she knew he would burn to ash immediately if sunlight touched his skin she still wanted to make sure that he was aware of it. “Stay until then,” Epiphany said as she turned her head up to look at him. She may not have had to invite him but it was something she liked to do. It was a courtesy if anything else because he was always invited to stay with her.

She almost tacked a ‘please’ on to the end of it but it wasn’t necessary, the way her fingers of the other hand were curling around his shirt said what wasn’t vocalized: that she didn’t want him to go. At least not yet, not while she was still awake.

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