Hey! St. Pat! - I LOVE You, Man! ((Totally Open))

[Archer Caughey]

Archer the Irishman loved this holiday so hard it hurt. He loved it like a Brotha From Anotha Motha. So it's no surprise that it was St. Patty's Day, Archer was already plowed harder than a spring field, and it was only quarter after ten.

In the morning. Ten in the morning, people.

When you drank as much Scotch as Archer Caughey, being schnockered so early in the day meant that he'd started toasting the fine Irish saint at the stroke of midnight. After all, this genius knows that a day doesn't start when the sun rises. It starts at 12:00:01 at night, and not a moment later. Between 12:00:01AM and 10:15:00AM a whoooole lot of drinking can happen.

Especially when you're drinking alone. On St. Patty's day the drinking alone protocol is that you have to drink enough for the big party full of people you should be drinking with. And Archer would still be drinking, for himself and that room full of people he should be hosting in his not-so-hopping bachelor pad/lab he had down the road, if it wasn't for the fact that he had run out drink.

What the piss pile of blarney was that all about? Right?! Had to be fixed. So he took himself a shower, he had himself a shave (miracle he didn't slice open an artery) and after dressing himself in a fine clean suit with vest sans tie, the sloshed scientist stepped out into the big wide world.

Damn was it bright out there. Back into the bachelor pad he went, and when he came out into the world for a second time it was with a pair of shades. Down the stairs and down the road, he whistled a merry Irish tune and thought about how all was good and well in the world. Soon he'd have all the alcohol his arms could carry and he'd be on his way back to the lab to drink until sundown when he'd head over to Tir Na Nog and dance with the barmaids until dawn. It was all going according to plan.

Until he realized he'd been walking in the wrong direction the whole damn time. "Díul mó bhad!" swore Archer as he slapped a palm against his forehead. Man already had a tongue like a sailor, and being drunk only made it worse. Kicking the dirt at his feet, Archer swayed a drunken sway and was about to turn himself around. But that was until he saw IT.

A Starbucks. With a menu that had writ on it the two magic words. Because there was only one thing better than Whiskey. And there was only one thing better than coffee. And that's when the Whiskey was put IN the coffee. Alcohol run be damned, at this Starbucks there was now fine drinking to be done.

So Archer threw open the door and let the whole place know just how excited he was to see them with a bellowed, "Top o' the mornin' t' ye all!" Lord be lordly his accent was as thick as could be. The brogue he'd trained out of his voice years ago because he got tired of people saying they didn't understand him always reared its ugly head when he'd been drinking.

And boy had he been drinking. It's why he made his way to the counter with a hop-skip and stumble, and leaned against it with a bit of a bumble. His Irish eyes were searching. For some service.

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

The place needed to have a swinging door installed today. It was hopping like frogs in a spring rain storm. She wasn't behind the counter, today she was out cleaning up the tables again, when she had a choice she rather liked the cleaning. It left her thoughts to be open and day dreamy more. Behind the counter both registers were ting a ching chinging. Both of the register runners had thier own barista's making thier drinks and helping them keep the line moving.

When the man threw the doors open, it had caught her attention, as it would most of the patrons that were currently inside. Most of them just went back to doing thier own things. Now she would offer the man a smile, and that would of been it, but he was well pretty much all over the place. So she did her job, and taking the wash rag in her hand, she moved over to the counter. She set the rag on the counter, where someone she did not see whom it was, picked it up and disposed of it. Her hip would lean against the counter, the boy behind the counter looked slightly afraid, which she was used to. Such a timid young man.

Even though it was a holiday they had to wear the customary Starbucks uniform. She had on a few strings of green beads though they were not always visable for they had to be under her shirt. Dress code and all. Her smile slipped right into place. "Top of the Mornin' to you. Might we be of some assistance?" Best to greet someone with the way that they were greeted. She was going to wait to see what he ordered and then attempt to help him with his order, so she did not have a large mess to clean up.

She could smell the booze on the man, and it did not surprise her, not today. Now if this had been any other day, it might of surprised her. Her left arm was resting against the counter, her right was at her side. Her head tilted just a little bit, as she waits, to see how they can assist him.

[Davin]

This wasn't exactly his type of day
And if you asked him why he'd say:

"Its my height, you see. It makes people look at me.
With a smile and a grin they pull out the gin and then the fun begins."

"Dance little man of short stature, give to us the gift of laughter.
While you seek to entertain, I hope to not be a pain, but from you there's gold to gain!"

This man here is a leprechaun; no dear friends it not a con! Usually showing in public as a whizened old crone, instead today he let his truth be known. Three feet tall with red hair, beard and all. Seven rows of buttons - with seven buttons to each row - his shoes were buckled, they didn't have a bow.

Seeking shelter from some of the eyes and other passerby
Into Starbucks he went, like a merriful ole gent
Not standing very tall

Though this might be a day that he'd rather stay away he figured he might as well play!

"May you be in
Heaven a half hour before the
Devil knows you're dead!"

Was his declaration from the floor just as he stepped in through the door.

[Archer Caughey]

Was what this? Was he getting special service? Archer (unfortunately) had a photographic memory. He couldn't forget things even if he tried - which is a real problem when you've been to the Land of the Dead, believe you me - so he had a mental picture of where everyone in the room had been when he made his grand entry. This lass had been a-scrubbing, and now she was a-tending. "And t' ye, m' bonny colleen." He grinned his fool's grin - his biggest grin with the littlest amount of shame. Who had time for shame on St. Patty's day? He used the taller part of the counter to lean on for balance, arm up on it, hand in his hair. "Y' can fetch me up - "

Right there, that's when he heard it. A toast straight from the good country. Just the sound of it made his heart swell with pride and the urge to sing Danny Boy rise up in his devout Irish soul. Archer couldn't hear a toast like that and just go on placing an order, that would be blasphemy! So he held up his hand to the barista as he bellowed back with vigor, "An' may the roof above us never fall in, an' may we friends gathered below never fall out! Sláinte!"

He expected everyone to echo his last word and all raise their glasses. But here? It probably wouldn't happen. This place might have specials that served the holiday, but it still was just a Starbucks. Not like Archer knew much at all about Starbucks. This was his first time. He turned back to the bonny colleen with his best apologetic grin. "Sorry about that, lass, duty called. An Irish coffee, as tall and wet as they come. I've a whistle that's gone dry." By wet, he meant heavy on the whiskey.

The time had come for Archer to grab his wallet. Right when he slipped his hand into his coat, though, he did a double take. "Devil be dancin', is that one o' the little people?!" In all this thirty-four years, he'd never seen one up close.

From far away, well that was a horse o' a different color. To be sure.

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

When the man spoke back to her, one could see the intelligence behind his gaze, even if he seemed to be more then a few sheets to the wind. But she was not one to hold that against the man, if she was old enough she probably would of requested the day off, of course to go pub hoppin'. But that was neither here nor there. So there was that smile. And he had been about to tell her how she could assist him, when he paused, and there was another voice.

Not that there were not voices all around them, but something about this voice came out perfectly cultured as it should. And she would go speak with him in a minute, for she did have business with him, but for now this fine gentleman infront of her was speaking what he wished for. A small bob of her head, "It's going to be a few moments, a fresh pot was just put on...you can take a seat if you want and I will bring it out to you." And no that was not a normal service, but it was one that she would and could provide to a few people that happened to come into the place.

With that being said her gaze turned back to see that the coffee pot had not started to refill, and she leaned across the counter to the boy working there. Letting him know to call her over when the coffee was done brewing, so that she could get the best cup of it for the man infront of her. Now it wasn't that she disliked his company, not that at all, and she would say so if asked.

But for now those feet of her's carried her over to the man, the three foot tall man, with the red hair, yes the leprechaun. She stopped infront of him. She did look down at him, but not because she was looking down on him, but merely because she was taller. She also thought that if she were to kneel a bit or try to shrink her size that he would not like it at all. "Your late! You were suppose to be here when we opened." She looked around a moment making sure everything was in place. It was indeed, what one might of failed to see they had a section of the store roped off with ropes in a deep emerald green, much like you might see at a movie theater for the lines. "We got everything ready just like you requested." There behind the lines was a fake tree, with a seat neatly carved into it, for the leprechaun of course. Next to the tree was a cauldron full of gold coins. Not real gold coins they were the chocolate kind, but the foil was a nice sparkly gold. Upon the wall behind the cauldron was a rainbow made of tissue paper, stopped at a cloud that they had attached to the wall. "Did you want anything to drink while your here?" She would serve him just as she had offered to do for the other man. For two different reasons but either way both men, were getting special treatment.

She glanced to make sure that coffee wasn't quite done yet. The boy behind the counter shook his head, letting her know not yet.

[Davin]

Was he late?
For this date?
A seat in a tree
For one such as he?

This was all very funny, the place even had fake gold money! The person she sought this leprechaun was not but that didn't mean he couldn't liven up the scene! With a tip of his hat he smiled like a Cheshire cat and the heels on his shoes went rat-a-tat-tat.

"Glory-be
It's not yet three
My job I'll do,
but let me tell you
give me any trouble and I'll shoo!"

A quick shake of his finger he ran up to the register. To his delight he he might have given the cashier a fright as he leaned o'er and rang up his order.

"A coffee for me made the same as he.
Put it on my tab, the drinks for this here lad
for making the heart bloom after I came into the room!"

Archer's back was given a pat, and then the little man took his leave. To the pot of gold, now let it be told, that his eyes were filled with glee. From the pot to the tree he began his supposed duty. He tossed out coins and they all landed with a boing.

Join in the fun! It's only just begun!

[Archer Caughey]

When there was a leprechaun within spitting distance, it was damn hard not to stare. That's what Archer was doing though, while the bonny lass was talking to him from behind the counter. She'd stopped talking and was probably waiting for him to answer. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one - "Huh? Oh, aye. Aye, I'll - " By that time Titania was chatting it up with the leprechaun and there really wasn't any point bumbling through whatever excuse he was about to make for staring at the wee folksman.

Which is for the best, because the reason he was bumbling was because he had no clue what excuse he was going to make for staring.

Even though he kept his eyes to himself by looking for the nearest empty table, he couldn't help eavesdropping on the conversation between the barista and the leprechaun. Did Titania think this was an actor dandied up to do some holiday song and dance? Inwardly, he groaned. Sure he hadn't seen a leprechaun up close, but he'd had his run-ins with them before. Or to be more exact, he had his run-ins with the messes they left in their wake before.

And she'd just given the little guy a reason to stay. Man oh man. When the pint of a man patted him on the back, Archer mustered a smile and tipped his head in thanks. "Thanks, thanks. May our tongues never lose the taste for drink, aye?" What a weird thing to say. He knew it, he totally knew it. But what the hell does one say to a leprechaun who buys you a drink?

This was unchartered territory for Archer, who pocketed his wallet and cautiously made his way over to the empty table he'd spotted a minute ago. He just wanted to make sure he left this Starbucks with all his fingers, years of life, firstborn sons and everything else intact. Heaven help this Starbucks if this guy was a trouble-maker. Archer sat down and did his damnedest not to keep a wary eye on him.

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

Now the coffee shouldn't be any problem, for she had just gotten the sign from the boy behind the counter, the fresh pot had just finished brewing. Nor was she planning on causing him any trouble, that would not be very nice, infact she had his check all in a envelope behind the counter, she was to give it to him when his shift was over.

She slipped behind the counter, and whipped up the two very large, very whiskey filled coffee's. Taking on in each hand she would deliever to the leprechaun first. "Here ya go, just let me know if you need another." She was sort of weary about him, but really, how much harm could a little man cause. Really she should not ask that question out loud or even in her head.

Then she made her way towards the other man, the man that the man short of stature had bought the drink for. Moving to that table, the empty one that once was but now was not, and paused before it. Setting his cup down before him. Her head tilted a bit to the side. "You doing alright sir?" Yes she did just sir him, but before where he looked as if he couldnt find his feet now he looked as if perhaps something was dreadfully wrong, or could be wrong!

[Davin]

She gave him his beer
And oh lookie-here,
It was service with a smile.

How was she to know
his act was a show
that would begin with the drop of his hat.

Standing upon that fake pot of gold he did do himself an Irish gig.
With a kick of his heels he flipped his hats bill and sent it off to
fly. Across the room it flew, would the lad know what to do, when it
landed on the registers keys? Ring-a-ding-ding the cash drawer flew
open ya see and the coins jumped out at the chance.

"Get your free coin!
Everyone join! Let's see those shinnes!
Gift from me you will receive, now's not the time to disbelieve. One
with the most coin's the one I want!"

True the coins were from the store but thanks to his hat they now
traveled across the cafe floor! Were the patrons here trusty or was
his judgement of people rusty?

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

When the cash drawer opened and the coins went flying. And being tossed here and there, the poor boy behind the counter, tried his best to block the flying coins. With his body it was thrown over the drawer. The coins kept coming up though, and hitting against his gut. It took a few, but eventually he had to move, for he didn't think he was going to be able to explain the coin sized bruises on his chest.

Titania was blinking as the coins moved out and about....but she on the other hand clapped her hands. "And you even come with party games!" She would of nudged the other man whom she had delievered a coffee to but she was afraid he'd fall off his chair.

The others in the starbucks were watching what was going on. Though none of them moved, for most of them were still in shock. Shock of what was going on, a few of the souls were rather leery as if it was a trick, their greedy eyes were looking at those coins, and yet they didn't make thier way. Not yet at least, they were waiting for the catch, there was always a catch.

[Archer Caughey]

He had a piping hot Irish coffee in front of him and he wasn't touching it. Instead Archer was bent forward, propping his elbow on the table. Why? All the better to rub his forehead my dear. Because the most horrible feeling was coming over him.

He was sobering up. The horror.

It was the drawback of being a genius. Whenever he smelt trouble, no matter how much liquor he'd lacquered his insides with boom, snap, sober in a second. This time it was coming with a headache. No wonder the bonny barista was asking him if he was alright.

"Oh, aye. Dandy." Something about how he said that, well it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that he had to force that reply. He watched the leprechaun go on, until the wee man announced his game. Gaze jerked to the other patrons. None of them were getting up. Smart people. Smarter than he'd expect from the caffeinated crowd.

He leaned towards Titania, enough that he could mutter out of corner of his mouth and trust she'd hear him. "Are y' just goin' t' let him clean y' out like that?" The little guy was staging a clever robbery! A pause. An internal debate. He leaned even closer towards her still, wanting to do everything he could to say this quietly enough that the wee man wouldn't hear him. "Because y' do know that's no actor….aye?"

Muttering out of the corner of his mouth over, he turned his grey eyes up at Titania to give her a pointed look.

[Davin]

"Games I have and tricks a plenty,
give me some time and I'll show you many!
Let's have a song to start us along.
As the coin spins 'round
listen to my sound!"

From the pocket of his suit he pulled out a flute and to his lips it went. His fingers roamed over the instrumental bone and produced a sound most thrilling. With the highs and the lows those coins started to glow, and magic spun out from their sides. It drifted through the crowd like a magical dust cloud, to fill their ears and erase their fears that this was anything but fun.

To make their hands clap and feet go tap-tap, to not play in this game would be quite a shame.

The coins, the coins, give them to me!" Is what this music said with glee.
"Raise out of your seat and feel the beat.
Scoop up the gold, now do as your told!"

The music was persuasive even if on the mind it was invasive!

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

She blinked, at Archer's words. She looked over at the small man. It was a robbery of a lepperchaun way. How did one take care of such a situation? And it was just as she was digesting the words from the man, that the little man began to speak. His words, she did hear them, and it gave her the inclination that indeed did give her, the truths to the words, of being a robbery.

She somehow did not get the urge to take the coins to the little man. But she started to giggle, perhaps that wasn't the best, but see, she knew something that neither the man whom warned her or the little man knew. The coins, that had left the register, for there was nothing holding them down. Coins did not add up to even a 1/100th of the check that they were going to give him.

It would seem that every time the drawer opened, from ringing up an order, the change that was in the drawer would jump out, as much as possible. But the bills with having that lever mechanism weighing them down, did not so much as flutter.

The others in the starbucks though, they were bending to pick up the coins now. But it didn't seem to go the way it was suppose to...for they started to take the money and pile it infront of Archer. It might of been something to do with the man buying the other man a drink. Starbucks drinkers high on thier caffine, seemed to get thier signals in thier head a bit confused!

[Archer Caughey]

When he heard the bonny barista laughing he groaned. Audibly, she'd be able to hear it just fine. He didn't bother to hide the groan because he thought the laugh and the fact that she wasn't protesting meant she was under the little man's spell and wouldn't care anyway. As evidence these grumbled words, "Damnable pied piper…"

Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Up to that point the leprechaun was just cheering his merry cheer, but then he pulled out an actual flute. "Damnú air!" He swore when he saw it. Archer knew what that so-called innocent instrument meant. No way no how was he going to get caught prancing around this coffeehouse in a skirt make of napkins singing like a bewitched lark. No, he'd put the napkins to a better use.

Archer ripped off two strips of a napkin and stuffed the wads in his ears. The plus side was that he couldn't hear the damned catchy tune that he'd nearly fell into humming in the short time it took him to stuff his ears. The minus was that Archer couldn't hear anything else, either. Well, crap.

Add to that a whole new set of problems when the rest of the customers started piling coin on his table. "Hey hey hey!" He held his hands up like someone had him at gun point, wanting to show that he had not and was not about to touch a single one of those coins. "Not on m' table, use yar own - watch it!" This was turning into a crowd. Sort of like a zombie mob, except in stead of the stench of rotting there was only the stench of coffee. Coffee and change.

And there in the center of it was Archer jumping up out of his seat, pushing his way backwards through the crowd dumping change on his table. "That's not me coin!" He announced to anyone who would listen. Putting as much distance between him and his table as he could manage. "I didn't touch any o' it!"

Hopefully the leprechaun was listening. But knowing Archer's luck…

And if anyone knew about Archer's horrible luck, you bet it was Archer. His own bad luck was the number one thing on his mind. So he'd have to do it. He'd have to sell the barista out to save his own arse. "Hers! The coin's all hers, she's th' one that works here!" He even pointed at her over the shoulder of a coffee zombie. The shame of it. Selling out a pretty girl. God, he was so sober it hurt.

[Davin]

This was getting fun,
but maybe not for everyone.
The people moved and jaunted about
but the coins they picked up went to that other lout!

The Bartista there continued her gigglin', perhaps she had something that was interferin'? She was happy before when he gave the first command and those patrons didn’t move, not even a hand! This was Rhy'din so what could he say, the abnormal happened here everyday.

What the lad had said wasn't heard by he for inside he was fuming like a banshee. He stole those coins fair and square, for messing with his magic those two better beware! It was clear the lass and laddy were working together and now he would make sure that they knew better.

The music came to a stop and he stood tall in his spot. He pointed his finger to the man who wouldn't linger. His eyes were on fire and he proclaimed with Irish ire:

"A curse there be
put upon ye!
The liqour you drink
won't do what you think!

From now till October
you will always be sober!"

And the lassy, she wouldn't get away without her share of the crime to pay.

"Merriment and mirth
be the gifts from your birth.
Now from laughter you hear
you'll shed a flood of tears!

Gone be your happiness,
delight will bring you sadness!

A cure there be comes in sorrow times three!"

The curses were said and he tapped the hat on his head. Then, as quick as a wink the leprechaun was gone in a blink.

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

Now, she hadn't exactly done anything, at least nothing that she knew of! She was a novice, if even that, so when things happened, she didn't know how! So she glanced over at the man, when he was trying to say the coin was hers. For it wasn't really hers it was the money for the store! But the crowd continued on thier way, they were not paying attention to the man's protests.

A glance as the music stopped, she saw that look on the little man's face, oh that wasn't a good look. He was not a happy lil man any longer. When he cursed them she blinked. Perhaps she should of tried to push him out the door when the other man told her, but really she thought what could really happen?

And then they were both cursed. Oh heavens oh no! She heard the words, and looked a bit sheepish, for now her joys would be sorrows. Oh this wasn't going to be good...oh no not at all!

[Archer Caughey]

Oh no he didn't. No that short little wank didn't. "WHAT?! What did y' just lay on me, y' Cac ar oineach! Póg me hón, y' bualadh craicinn cac!" Two things were really good right now. First, Archer had a filthy mouth when he was mad and the fact that he was swearing in the tongue of his birth was a blessing for the other patrons. Second, that little bastard was so lucky that Archer was trapped behind a crowd large enough that when he lunged forward he didn't break through them until the wee man had buggered off.

Or maybe Archer was the lucky one when it came to the leprechaun's escape. Considering the names he'd just called the diminutive man, if Archer'd caught up with him the leprechaun probably would have cursed him again with a donkey head. Or something worse.

"Sober until October." He spat it as he gave the nearest table leg an angry kick. "God damn rhymin' BASTARD! Couldn't be 'drunk each day through merry May?" Archer's hands went to his head, rubbing each side like he had mind to pull every single hair out. God, it hurt. His head hurt. If he thought he'd sobered up before, man oh man was that nothing to the dried up reality of sobriety he was feeling now.

It was in the midst of this terrifying reality, when the couple of patrons that were blocking his view of Titania moved, that his grey eyes locked in on the slightly-less-bonny barista. "I warned you. Didn't I warn you?! Y' damn well better believe I did and y' didn't listen, ye oul gee bag, and look what happen'd! Y' got me a curse that may as well ha'e sawed off me arm!"

Oh yes. It would be a cold day in hell before Archer came to this Starbucks again. A cold day t' be sure.

[-:|[ Titania ]|:-]

She had been warned, but she thought that the man was over reacting. He was a cute little man. But it seemed that she was not, and now this man, was madder then a wet hen. It was like he had bees in his briefs. Though he wasn't able to get drunk, surely he could find something else! She wasn't allowed to be happy! All the happyness she would normally feel in the day would bring her sorrow. "I....I am sorry." She sighed...all the coins was all over the store. The customers were running amok and out he doors.

"I'm sorry." Was spoken as her hands were thrown up in defeat. Good thing she wasn't in charge, because she needed to go home after that.

[Archer Caughey]

Of course he was mad! There was nothing that got his goat more than a person who was warned by a genius and didn't listen. Far as Archer was concerned, this - all of this - could have been avoided. When it came to things like this it brought out the sanctimonious side in Archer. The hyper-logical side. What some would call the 'insufferable know-it-all' side, which usually only Caddy had to suffer.

It was why he said this, right before he left. "Sorry, there's nothin' in that. Ye said not a word through all o' this but a giggle and look what happened. Learn the lesson from today, lass. That'll get y' somewhere." Archer's dead grey eyes were as serious as they were sober. None of that was yelled, it was spoken with the factual calm any decent scientist could cash in on when they were certain.

As for him? Time for him to go. He left the Irish coffee he'd barely touched behind on the table. There was no point in drinking it, not when the drink would do nothing. He went straight out the door, without looking back. What he left behind wasn't his mess to clean up. There was a lesson in this for him too, obviously there was, but what it was?

The genius had painfully lucid walk home back to the his lab to think about that.

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