Progress Is Made (A Log)

[The Spider]

Jamison had gone to his laboratory, mostly to take inventory on his stocks, It was something he liked to do about once a month or so. because you'll never know when you'll need something your didn't know you didn't have. He had shown spider where the lab was, in case she wanted to use its facilities. The Wizard carried about a clip board filled with sheets of paper, each holding a list. It was times like these that Jamison indulged one of his most ancient vices. tobacco. but what used to be a cigarette, now was a pipe which he puffed away at while he took his inventory.

When Jamison had knocked upon her door and inquired if she would like to join him at his laboratory to have access to a wider array of books she had not been warm to the idea. Since he acquired her a room of her own that is where she had spent the majority of her time. Now that enough days had passed that she was rested and back and proper strength her intention was to recharge her markings and rebuild her usual wards. This had proved more difficult than she had anticipated, for one very specific reason which only increased her desire to remain alone. When Father pressed however she had discourteously relented. Since their arrival she remained in one location. Next to a window which she had opened wide without asking. The air was mercilessly cold and it dulled the call and its urges much like aspirin does a headache. But Midwinter has passed so even though it felt like winter the power of the Summer Court was strengthening each day bit by bit. This fact only made Spider's situation that bit more difficult to handle. She was doing her best however as resolute as a soldier. She had a book in her hands but she was not reading it. Her attention was lost out the window. Since her arrival her natural hair color had bled free almost entirely. Spider had tried dying it back to black yesterday but her hair remained its startling holly berry red no matter how thickly she had laid on the dye.

Jamison didn't mind the cold too much. there was enough candle and lamplight to offer an edge to the cold so it wasn't too uncomfortable. He did however take a break from his inventory, bringing a hand up to remove his glasses, turning to watch his child peer out of the window. "If there anything that you would like me to find? should you require the components?"

She almost did not hear him. Or her ears heard her mind just nearly didn't process. She caught the 'hm?' before it slipped from her throat. Instead she turned her head to look at him. Even though her honey-bright eyes looked directly at him there was something about her gaze that was far-off. Her tone of voice betrayed nothing about her silent struggle within herself. "Is there something in particular I should be requiring, Father?" Eyes dropped to look at the pipe in his hand. She didn't say something but somehow her judgement was clear. Today she dressed in a dress of bright red with long sleeves and its skirt had a length that reached down to the ankle. A black waist clincher corset was laced over her stomach. The dress was simple in construction but its cut and shape hearkened back to older times. As with most of her winter wear the dress covered all of her markings.

"I don't know, There might be ingredients you might need that I've not thought to use before." seeing as how potions where different for every person who made them, that wasn't too strange of a request. the hand that wasn't holding the pipe came up to take the pipe after Jamison drew in a nice pull. exhaling it slowly and knocking the pipe clean into a rubbish bin. sliding it into the pocket of his vest. his eyes watching her, though not direct eye contact, old habits and all that.

The thought of finding the patience to tend a potion in her current state make her head throb. Spider folded her arms across her chest. Eyes focused on what was out the open window before she forced herself to look back in Father's direction. "You? Not think of an ingredient?" The incredulousness was feigned but half-heartedly so. A sign of her distraction. Then she shook her head, swallowing the sigh that nearly escaped. "I've changed my mind. I can prepare myself without the aid of any potion." She allowed herself to look elsewhere when she gave that response. She did not want to be looking in his direction when she said that. The book on her lap was one on the subject of the Summer Fae that was on his shelves here. They had been here at his laboratory for a good while yet she was only a handful of pages into the book.

"I wouldn't think to use specific ingredients that you would, But that you're not going to be using potions, I feel my previous question is moot." Jamison offered her a nod and looked down at his clipboard. "I believe that the wee folk have been borrowing my milk honey and sugar... with every intent on repaying me one day. I'll still have to get more though. How have you been? Would you like to go and get something to eat?"

His question brought tension to her shoulders and a tight set to her jaw. She didn't answer about the wee folk. In her mind she was counting to three. One two three, one two three. "Father. Zalina has been gone nearly a fortnight and both of us have little to show by way of a solution. I'll let you imagine." Imagine how she was feeling was her meaning. Her unrest with her wife's disappearance went beyond heartache. Zalina served a very specific and incredibly important role to Spider which helped her keep a balance between her mortal half and her fae half. Spider did not volunteer that information or point it out however. When she looked at him her next words came out with more bite than she'd first intended. "Isn't it a bit late to take your daughter out for ice cream?"

"Aren't you a little old to try and hide that your'e upset from your father?" Per the usual her words didn't seem to phase him outwardly. call it a good poker face, because in reality it cut him to shreds that she spoke to him with so much bite in her words, as often as she did."I've never asked you to pretend everything in alright when it was't Carolyn..." he spoke calmly, trying to sound understanding. he really was trying to help. silently glad the wee folk had taken some of his ingredients because now they owed him a favor.

Her honey-bright eyes narrowed at him. "I'm not trying to hide anything. I think my sarcasm was very frank." She said nothing more about his query about getting food. The fact that she wasn't getting up from her chair in front of the window could be considered an answer. Food was not what her mind was on right now. She set her jaw looking out the window. Eyes watching the grey overcast winter day. Focusing on its chilly power. Her breaths were deep. Dulling the call of the Summer Court to her fae side and numbing those instincts. Both the calls and stirring instincts she was plagued with as a changeling, one who was half her Wizard father and half her Fae Queen mother. After a pause Spider added one more thing. With a look about her that was sullen like a pout. "I think all these days I've made my frustration perfectly clear."

"You have indeed... I've noticed a greater change in your moods of late." Jamison said as he moved to pull a chair over so that he could sit near her, placing the clip board down next to him on a side table. Relaxing into his seat, he looked from her to the window, winter he didn't like too much, left too much time for the big bads to be out and about."Is Winter making more restless?"

"I'm not going to close the window." She could see him pulling a chair over to her out of the corner of her eye. After he sat she turned her head to better face him. Her expression was impassive. The only thing that could be read in her face was her distraction. Maybe a grey cloud of melancholy too. Her eyes moved over his face. She noted his posture. She thought hard about what exactly she wanted to reply. "Winter is waning, Father. Midwinter passed months ago and Summer is gaining strength." Looking down at her lap she picked up the open book there and cast it to the side on a table. It was obvious she wasn't going to read much between her distraction and Jamison's questions.

"I'd never dream of asking you to, As you said, Winter is waning. The cold is not so biting anymore." eyes left the window when he heard her put the book down on the table, a tilt of his head to see if he could read the words on the cover. but then back up to his daughter." I imagine you're feeling summer's pull... is it a harsh yank?"

Spider pressed her lips together. Her urge was to look away from him but she held her ground. His eyes were on the book so it wasn't as if she had to meet his gaze. His question wasn't a topic they spoke about often in the past. It had made her tight-lipped about it. However like all fae she was incapable of lying and was able to only speak around the truth if she didn't want to reveal something. In this case she didn't want to speak about how loud the call within her was right now. To speak around it she divulged a different truth instead. "If Zalina was not missing it wouldn't be a problem." The book was titled 'The Royal Line of Summer' and she was past no more than the fourteenth page.

[The Spider]

Jamison, was not a stupid man.  And had at one time been in her shoes. so in her attempt to walk around the truth, she told him exactly what was wrong with her." I know your feeling, the distraction of love is one hard to overcome for all super natural sources. Worry not though, Soon she will be with you again."

Slowly she raised her eyebrows.  She stared at him.  The look on her face was peculiar.  A conflict of emotions within.  Spider had wondered for a long time about Jamison LeFey and certain events of his centuries of life.  His personal business he had left mostly unspoken and he would not allow her to read his journals to boot.  The other day in his room was the first time she'd ever opened one in fact.  Before he'd yanked it from her because of her dog earring.  "With what exactitude do you know my feeling, Father?"  Whether he returned her gaze or not there was no way Spider was taking her eyes off of him right now.

"The feeling that to stay, to resist the call is wrong. the desire to rush to the aid of the court..." He returned her gaze, holding her eye contact while he spoke. the weight of experience behind his eyes. Even among wizards Jamison was a well renowned stare off person, he'd seen men buckle down at his stare."I'm impressed that you're able to hide your draw as well as you do."

She tightened the fold of her arms across her chest.  It was the only sign that part of her wanted to look away now that they were eye to eye.  "But you don't feel it anymore."  While Spider didn't know this for a fact she said it as one.  To her it was impossible that he was still a changeling.  He never showed any evidence of being so over all these years.  At least none that she had been able to observe.  Her golden eyes glanced out the window.  Focused on the low gray clouds.  "I have no desire to take residence in the Nevernever."  It was one of only two strong reasons that kept Spider from choosing her Fae half and leaving her mortal half behind.  Her internal conflict over her next words showed on her face with a brief flicker of vulnerability.  "That means something to me.  That you're impressed."  She looked almost pained to admit that.  Spider had been determined to detest Jamison for decades and it made telling him that she cared for his view of her hard to admit.

"Correct..."Spoken softly with a nod, bringing a hand up to rest his chin on. leaning into the arm of his chair."You know, there are a great many things that you do and have done that impress me. you're an extraordinarily talented wizard. further along then i was at your age." Jamison was most certainly proud of his daughter. she'd accomplished a lot, despite the fact that she wasn't as formally trained, and hadnt really spoken to him most of her adult life.

Their relationship had been very broken for a very long time.  They both shared the blame for that.  Broken as they were it didn't mean that Spider hadn't wanted to hear words like that from him for an equally long time.  Habits were hard to break however and feelings can be habitual.  He said those things and her defenses pushed her to suspect and doubt them.  Because suspicion and doubt are less vulnerable and more safe.  Her voice wavered once as she stared out the window and challenged him.  "How open of you.  Very coincidental that you're saying so now.  Appealing to my mortal side?  How silly of you, Father.  You should know you look nothing like her."  As soon as she insinuated that he was trying to fill the hole and role Zalina's disappearance was leaving vacant she regretted it.  She knew how hateful she'd just been.  Her face twitched in a wince but she didn't apologize.  Her lips parted, but nothing came out.

"I've not had the opportunity to say it in a very long time Carolyn... I merely sought to tell you what I haven't been able to."Her words  had cut deep, and his poker face cracked, While he had hoped his words wouldn't fall on deaf ears, he wasn't at all trying to sway her at all. She accepted his first compliment, and thought to offer a second when he had the chance. Jamison looked away though, looking  down at the book she had been reading.

Most of the time her words seemed to cause no impact on Jamison at least on the outside.  It was one of the reasons her attitude was unrelenting.  In her own hurt that he had caused her in the past when they were face to face Spider always wanted to see if she too had that power over him to hurt him back in the same way.  Usually it was for naught and he remained Warden LeFey the fortress.  Not this time.  She already regretted what she'd blurted and to see her words actually scratched his facade only doubled her remorse.  She unfolded her arms.  It was a half-completed impulse to reach for him.  She managed to untangle her arms to free her hand to do so but after that it fell on her leg.  She wasn't brave enough to reach for his hand.  She did speak though.  "I'm sorry, Daddy."  It was quiet and sincere.  Carolyn had not called him that for a very long time.  Since her teens.  It had been just about as long since the last time she'd apologized for anything she said or did.  "I didn't meant it."  That was as far as she could go.

He took a slow breath." I deserved it though, I do not blame your suspicion..." looking up from the book and offering her a small smile."Thank you, Lynnie..."his eyes where back up to hers by this time. "Tell me, what do you know of tearing open doorways to the Nevernever?" if she hadnt figured it out on her own, he meant to teach her. it was something she wanted to know afterall.

She lasted only through his smile before she had to look away.  Spider folded her arms again but this time it was over her stomach.  It was churning.  She felt very raw and exposed right now and it was not a feeling she was used to unless it was with her wife.  It had taken years for Spider to feel comfortable with Zalina in that vulnerable and trusting way.  She and Jamison did not have that same foundation of trust.  The moment had deeply impacted her however and that fact she couldn't deny.  She felt it because her balance had shifted.  "Dicht."  It was firmly spoken to the window which promptly closed.  Spider didn't need the winter air anymore right now.  She shook her head.  "I only know of the entrance Mother showed me.  The knowledge was my wedding gift."  Yes, Eolande had a hand in the marriage.

A nod then, he wasnt going to touch that sore wound again so soon. so instead he only stood, going to go fetch his cane." That is a commonly used doorway, what if I told you that with proper training, you can open a doorway from any weak barrier between the world we see and the nevernever? and that I'd like to offer you that information."

If he had touched it he might have learned that the Fairy Queen was the one who had wed she and Zalina.  Spider scoffed.  "How do you know which entrance it was that she showed me?"  She thought he was speaking ill of her Mother's gift.  He should know how Spider felt about either of her parents slinging mud at the other.  The fact he was going to give her such a useful skill however was worth standing for and so she did.  An entrance to the Nevernever that she didn't have to undergo so many day travel for was far more useful than going somewhere for food.  So useful she couldn't help the twinge of suspicion.  "Why are you offering this, Father?  Since the day I knocked on your door here you have been against me traveling there though you tell me that's where my wife is."  There was no caustic quality to her voice.  The questions were honest and honestly spoken.

"Well, I don't know exactly. but there is an entrance not far from where you live. I assumed it was the one you had used... am I wrong?" his tone was genuine, he'd only used deductive reasoning to figure that out, and wasn't at all slinging mud. to her next question, Jamison clicked open the lock on his sword cane. and exposed a bit the blade. only to close it back up with a click of the lock." I'm against you traveling there, alone. and without a plan. would you like to learn how to open a gateway?"

I'm not a child anymore.  Say it.  Say it.  Maybe Jamison could see the unspoken words in her look.  The memories at the forefront of her thoughts created that look.  Of him taking her as a child every couple of years to visit her mother.  Because of those visits she used to think the Nevernever was a bitter arctic land where it was always night.  Here he was saying without saying that he still did not wanting her going there without him.  "I'm..."  She shook her head.  It was as far as reminding him that she wasn't a child was going to go.  "You're not wrong," she admitted.  Her answer to his last question was going to the coat closet of his lab to get and put on her long, enchanted black coat.  In the time it took her to slip it on she quietly asked a reluctant thought that just occurred to her.  "You think it's wise to go there when the call is stronger than my counterbalance?"

"You're a grown woman Carolyn, the time that  your mother or myself could force their will upon you has long since passed. Despite the call, the choice to serve is still yours and yours alone... " Jamison motioned her along to join him, he was going to go downstairs, there was a weak point that he could use to open a gateway, and he planned to show her how.

[The Spider]

Spider had told him that dozens of times.  She had just debating on saying it again a moment ago. This was the first time she'd ever heard Jamison agree.  She lifted her chin looking rather proud and maybe just a little vain.  The victory of being right.  She liked when she was agreed with, very much.  So she pressed her luck.  "I want to know why you chose to turn your back on half of who you were."  He was no longer a changeling and to her that's what his choice meant.  She didn't ask she requested.  Following him downstairs.  She was not going to mention to him that she had not fully restored her wards and charged all her markings.  There were a few things tucked inside of her coat that could help serve her should trouble arise in the Nevernever.

Jamison stopped, a flick of his wrist lit the candles down the stairs  to where his summoning ring was as well as break in spacetime. a short breath and he started down the stairs. "A fae, can not enter another dwelling without invitation, period... A wizard, he can... provided he leaves his power behind the threshold...I did what I did to prove, that power, was not as important to me as another human life." By the end of his little story he was at the bottom and there where another mass of candles that lit at his presence as well as an oil lamp.

"But - "  The single word she spoke before she quieted herself.  Midway down the stairs she paused.  Spider was thinking back.  So many dwellings she had entered in over a century of living.  Had there been any that she had entered without some kind of invitation being extended to her first?  Surely there had to be one, one that would disprove what he had just said.  But she couldn't think of any.  She had a way about her.  And if that way didn't work alone she had back up plans to convince people to do what she wanted and that included them inviting her in.  So Spider was coming up short.  It made her frown.  She continued down the stairs into the candle-lit room.  Her eyes fell on his summoning ring.  Then she looked away.  "I don't think I would do the same.  To me it's not power.  It is half of my being." That was the second reason that she would remain a changeling for the full of her life.  She could not bring herself to cast either side of her - the mortal or the fae - away.  She loved both sides fiercely. 

"I think it would depend on who the person was... Because I said the exact same thing you did at one time in my life.  It was not an easy choice to make..." A moment when his eyes lost focus, as if he was thinking back, and then a subtle shake of his head before he went on." Any wizard with the training can open a doorway to the Nevernever, but it has to be at specific locations... and they're more frequent then you would think... have you ever been walking and then gotten a rather sudden chill?"

She smirked and held her chin high.  "I would not even do so for Zalina."  Spider knew Jamison might perceive her frankness cold-hearted and her pride in her statement the same.  It was the truth however and he would know that.  She was half-fae, and fae could not lie.  "If they've taken her to force me to choose they will be sorely disappointed."  That did not mean that she did not want her wife back.  It was absolutely the opposite.  It just meant Spider would not be bullied.  When he began his instruction she listening.  It had been a long time since she had been taught by him and this information she knew was valuable.  To his final question she gave a nod. 

"People do a lot of crazy things when their blood family is in danger..." Was his simple reply, his choice was not something he liked to dwell on,  when she offered the nod he went on with the other subject." there is one in this very room, right over there underneath the stairs... which I suppose I should find rather ironic... because normally there are small little cupboards underneath stairs...To open a doorway between worlds at one of these places takes an amazing amount of energy, and a focus that is able to withstand the shearing forces of tearing a gateway... I use my sword here." a sword that he pulled  free of the cane again.

Amazing energy, sheer force, et cetera et cetera.  She understood what he was telling her perfectly but the demonstration if he was giving one would have to wait.  Jamison was talking.  Freely divulging information.  If not freely than divulging it at least.  What he told her was nothing she had heard about him before.  He indicated underneath the stairs but she did not cast a glance there.  She moved to strategically place herself between he and the stairs.  Blocking he view of what he was speaking about.  Watching him with her honey-bright eyes.  "Blood family?  Who was it?"

Jamison held her gaze for a while, and then slid the sword back into it home within the husk of the cane."It was my elder brother, his family and my mother. My father had arranged for them to be removed, because attachments to human ties was... improper" improper spoken after a moment of searching for the word and said with a dismissive wave."... I proved him wrong." a single spin of his cane and he started towards the weak part of the dimensions.

"Well aren't you badass."  No bite or sarcasm in the way she said that.  Instead a smarmy whimsy.  Spider's sense of humor which was rooted more in her fae side than her mortal one.  There was something delicious about calling her father who was less than twenty years away from his semiquincentennial badass.  She smirked at his back as he walked away from her.  She followed him but it was more than just to receive her lesson.  When he came to a stop she would come to stand right next to him, shoulder to shoulder.  But she turned herself around so that they would be face to face.  Then she touched the palm of her left hand to his right cheek.  Her eyes set on his face that she touched with that little bit of affection.  "You are a good man to your family, Warden."  It was as close to saying she forgave him for what happened during her trial that she would come.  She did mean it.  What he told her provided a change in perspective.  She gestured at the underside of the stairs with her other hand.  "I have no interest in this lesson unless you provide me with all of your journals.  Your journals."  Emphasis on your.  She meant the one he had written thus far.  "I want them in my room tomorrow."  There was the fae in her.  Desiring to make a deal.  That sliver of Jamison's years before her was enough for her to decide that she was done being kept in the dark about his escapades.

"As good a man can be, sometimes... not good enough..."Jamison reached up and took her hand from his cheek and gave it a tight squeeze, and then a hoot of alughter."Carolyn, I've been writing in those journals since well before you where born,  There are a great number of them... While I'll allow you open access to them, you'll have to read them in volumes... however, if you dont want a private place to read comfortably, I can get them all into your room by first light tomarrow." another smile offered to his child.

The clasp of her Father's hand made her shiver along her spine and out her limbs.  It was his power.  She had not had a touch from him in a very long time.  The hug when she had first arrived but he had been wearing his coat which stifled his magical energy.  Her eyes dropped to his hand.  "You are more powerful than when I was small."  Feelings stirred within. Awe, a streak of envy.  The shape of her eyes shifted, a cat-like almond like the fae.  It lasted as long as it took to blink.  She took her hand back and clasped both of them in front of her.  Lifting her chin and making haughty reply. "Do not worry yourself about my private space Father.  It's mine.  I will co-exist with your journals with ease."  Spider turned around to face the underside of the stairs so he could proceed with his lesson.

[The Spider]

"You are also more powerful then when you where smaller... much more then i could have anticipated... you could be an extraordinary force one day." when she took her hand back he once again pulled his sword cane free of its prison."Items that distress the boundaries, are good for opening gateways, a wizards focus is good, a weapon, that has tasted the blood of the supernatural is better. IT's common for Wardens to use their swords... but other wizards use their staves, or wands, who what have you."

"Could be?"  Emphasis on could.  With a salty glance.  "I will be an extraordinary force if anything has happened to Zalina."  Spider considered that a fact.  She remained with her hand clasped in front of her.  Watching Jamison draw his sword.  There was no mistaking the sour gaze given briefly to it.  Spider may have extended a form of forgiveness to him today but not to the Council.  To her that sword was an emblem of the Council.  "Am I not myself a weapon filled with the blood of the supernatural?"

"Indeed you are, but the effects on dimensional shearing on the human body hasn't really been studied. no one has been brave enough to try extensively... we theorize that it would rip the flesh from your fingers and potentially rip your spirit of being away... so we use inanimate objects, for safety's sake.... Problem with opening a portal to the nevernever, is that it isn't the same as our world... and unless you've already been through a gateway you have no way of determining where it will wind you up."

Spider didn't look pleased to hear this.  Since a certain event in her life she preferred to believe that her own body was all she needed to be at her full magical capability.  It was why she got her markings.  "If I anointed an object with my blood that would suffice?"  In that event she would not have to have a specific item on her person like Jamison and his cane.  There was freedom in that fact.  She looked to the area under the stairs.  "Then how to you know how to get where you need to get to if you don't know where you will be?  This one, where does it go?"  Spider made the assumption that Jamison had been through this gateway before.  "And what business took you over there through this gate?"

"Yes, I believe that it would." Jamison put forth his sword, its point against the wall. energy rising within the room. "Do you remember one of the first things i taught you when you moved out the first time.? Lesson twelve?" Lesson twelve was to always always have an exit strategy. Jamison felt that this was the answer to her last question. "You can find your way around the nevernever because it, is the same, if you can find your bearings. You can still get around..."

"Good."  She was pleased.  She needed only her blood, an object and a location which gives chills and she could rip a gateway.  It was an unchanging world and she just needed to explore it and traveling in it would be mastered.  "No wonder you've kept this knowledge to yourself."  She did need to read more.  To read these useful tricks that Jamison had not mentioned to her.  When he mentioned lesson twelve she laughed.  "So your exit strategy is to rip a hole and go running off into the world you've spent so much of your time telling me is too dangerous to go running off into?  What if you were to run into Mother?  How would that meeting go?  I daresay I'm hopeful we do."  She felt the power rising.  His sword was pointed at the gateway.  She expected he was about to cut them an entrance. 

"I hadnt kept it to myself, its all in books that I kept trying to get you to read..." He said simply with a roll his shoulders up in a shrug." Oh this leads into the wilds, neither summer nor winter holds dominion in those lands." the blade scraped against the wall, and as if he where cutting through fabric, the visual contorted and started to hang, one slice across and then  he started one down. where the wall was, there was now a forested area. looking extremely dark. he drew the sword back after the second slice, and immediately it started to knit back together. "focus through the artifact you've chosen and  with enough focus on your intent, you can cut through the worlds like fabric."

Did he see the eagerness rise?  The first slice was enough for the call to grow twice as strong within her.  She felt it like a hum inside.  A song she had only heard a handful of times during her life but that was as familiar to her as her own reflection.  She had spoken the truth when she said she did not want to live in the Nevernever as the Fae and other supernatural beings did.  That didn't mean she did not want to visit.  The Nevernever had a base appeal to her.  It was the other well of power that she could draw from as a half-and-half.  That well felt so palpable those precious moments the gateway was open.  Spider stepped forward just as he drew his sword back.  Her reaching hand touched solid wall and her perfect posture slumped with her disappointment.  "I understand."  She sounded impatient.  Common for her as she was a creature of forward action always.  "About the books.  About these instructions.  Let's go!"  Emphasis on go.  So eager.

"Let's Go? we're not going into the nevernever just yet... when we do go into there to save Zalina, you're going to open it, and hold it open long enough to get through...." he took a breath, and exhaled it  heavily doors to the nevernever took a great deal of energy. especially when you tore it open slowly like that. "I've got a book about portals that I'd like you to take a look at, it was written by an apprentice of black beard." Yes black beard was a practitioner.

She stamped her foot three times.  The air crackled with six concentrated sparks which came and went much like small firecrackers.  There was no purpose to them - this time - other than to visibly demonstrate her dissatisfaction with his answer.  "Father!  It was right there!"  Emphasis on right there.  She was sniveling like a youngster.  Usually unlike her.  She had been without her wife for nearly two weeks, the call was stronger, and the Nevernever had been within her reach.  Even Spider's high level of control could have weakness.  He was watching such weakness now.  "You said yourself it's the wilds.  Please."  She was forgetting herself.  Both hands pressed against the wall she rested her head against it too.  She pressed her nails into the wall.  Trying to feel the well of power that he had just opened.  She couldn't.  Not beyond the chill of knowing a gateway could be opened here.  She whimpered.

"Carolyn, you're not ready to face those challenges... you just told me that nothing would make you forsake either half of who you are, what if we walked through there, with the summoning in full force, and your wife was dangled in front of you for the once price you just said you wouldn't pay... could you resist?" Jamison stepped up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, enveloping her in his magical energy. unintentionally, but when you touched someone it was hard for it not to happen.

"Rrrrrah!"  Nonsense sounds.  Frustration.  She balled her right hand into a fist and struck the wall.  It felt good.  Spider wanted to tear it down with her bare hands.  The song within had been so beautiful and now it was dulled and distant and it only an aching want was left.  "I don't want to stay there!"  Childish emphasis on stay there.  "I just want to - "  She didn't finish.  She knew what she was going to say would not convince him.  It would do the opposite.  She wanted to play.  She didn't answer his question.  When his energy blanketed over her she let out all the air she had inside of her.  Emptied like a bellows.  Her powerful mortal Father.  His energy and his touch were a formidable weight.  She felt herself balancing.  The degree to which she was clearing only made her realize how far she'd tipped.  A feeling that did not take her often was enough to make bile rise but she did not throw up.  It was shame.  A second hard exhale from her and she was turning away from the wall.  Going to the stairs.  "I will see you upstairs.  After you disperse enough iron down here to make it harmful to me.  I mean it, Father."  She didn't turn around.  Footfall was hard as she climbed the stairs.  She was angry with herself.  Angry that she had to admit that she didn't trust herself to stay away without the bane forcing her distance.

[The Spider]

"There is an Iron bar on both sides of the door, the knob and lock are also made of cold iron." apparently Jamison had gone out of his way to make sure a fae couldn't get in through the nevernever , as well as chase him into it when he wanted  to escape.When she turned to leave and go up stairs, jamison gave her a minute before he turned to join her. climbing the stairs quickly and closing the door behind him, clicking the lock shut behind him.

Jamison would see that Spider was back at the window.  She had opened it again.  Her hands were crossed behind her back but her head she rested against the window frame.  Her eyes were closed very tightly.  Her breathing was very slow.  She breathed the cold air in as deeply as she was able.  She spoke nothing but internally she was being very hard on herself.  Even cruel.  If he looked very closely he might see she was trembling.  She was summoning the full of her willpower to keep her composure.  She had lasted a fortnight without losing herself to the ache of Zalina's absence.  She did not want to lose herself to the grief now.  Not at all but not in front of her Father especially.  She was on the brink.

He watched his child with a heavy heart. on one hand, he should respect her desire to keep her composure in front of her father. after all no one wanted to break down and cry in front of someone they admired. and on the other hand she was his little girl and she was going to break down and cry soon. a moment of thought and the father side won out. Jamison walked over towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder and offering a comforting squeeze, once again enveloping her on his aura.

Or someone they detested.  Her level of disgust with her Father had diminished considerably since she found him at this inn however.  To think if Zalina had not gone missing their relationship wouldn't have received this repair.  In her time alone in her room Spider had considered this.  She was not a fool however.  She knew that was not the reason Zalina was missing and not to dwell for long on that side effect or what it would mean for her and Jamison.  His touch and energy pushed her over the edge.  Despite how hard she clenched her eyes closed water escaped from the corners.  She unclasped her hands so the left could cover her face.  She swallowed the sob.  All the came of it was a blurt of air.  "I will read the book now."  About the portals.  Her right hand extended.  She expected him to place it there.  She was not going to let herself waste time crying like a child.  She was awake and her head was clearer than it had been since she received her own room, clear thanks to Jamison's energy providing the balancing influence that her missing wife could not.  This meant she should work. 

"Alright Carolyn... give one moment." And he stepped away, looking through his book shelves  the search did not take long thanks to his amazing filing system. and he placed the smallish book in her hand, it wasn't a tome, about he size of a paper back, but bound in leather. and about a hundred pages thick." You know, its alright to express your feelings... locking them in all the time with no release, doesn't really help."

It was long enough.  By the time he returned she stood tall and her face was dry.  The tremble was gone but there was tension in the rigidity of her posture.  Hand was waiting for the book.  She wasted no time opening it and that is where she put her gaze.  On the first page.  "Releasing them doesn't help either.  It wastes time.  There is no use sniveling over what has been taken from me when I am capable of getting it back."  She turned the page to see if there was a table of contents.  With many of these books there was not.  So many of them journals and informal unpublished works passed through inheritance, trade or auction.  "You taught me this behavior.  By the way."

"A choice that age has shown me was the wrong way..." Jamison offered her a nod, turning away then and once again picking up his clipboard. his inventory was done, but he still needed to make sure that it was put away in its rightful place so that he could make the calls required to get his supplies. after a moment of silence he spoke again." The section on maintaining the doorways to the nevernever are particularly fascinating. The author speaks of trial and error in different techniques.

Spider didn't look impressed with his old-man wisdom.  She lifted her free hand and held it like a person would if they were looking to make a sock puppet.  Four fingers over her thumb.  Still reading she opened and closed her sockless puppet hand to say blah blah blah without having to say so out loud.  "Tell me how sniveling is productive, Father.  I'm eager to hear this."  Not eager enough to look up from her book but she was adept at doing two things at once.  "I'll give it due attention."  That she said without sarcasm. 

"I'll thank you not to take such things lightly Carolyn. I've seen wizards crippled over their inability to properly channel their emotions..." he tossed his pen so that it landed in her sock puppets mouth. " I have a book about the phenomena if you'd like to read it... its rather fascinating." his tone was a chiding one. chiding, but serious Magic was all about the wizard, of course a wizard who broke down and cried would not be very effected, but neither was a wizard who cut off all emotions. they fueled magic they where the source of a wizards power.

She gripped the pen between her fingers as the tip marked her palm.  Flicking her wrist she tossed it back at him.  Aiming for the tip of his nose.  It was a careless aim for she scarcely glanced from her reading.  "I channel my emotions so well Zalina wakes quite sore in the morning.  When we find her you can verify this yourself."  To punctuate this she snapped the book shut.  Slipping her hand inside her coat she slid the book in one of the many enchanted pockets. There it would keep safe until she returned to her room.  "The books on the fae - " She picked up 'The Royal Line of Summer' and pocketed that book too.  "This one on portals.  All your journals.  I think my dance card runneth over with literature already, thank you Father."  While Jamison needed a book to get in touch with his sensitive side she felt she did not.

A raise in magical energy along with his hand caught the pen which he then returned to his clip board." I do believe that is the most uncomfortable a single sentence has ever made me, congratulations. you've beaten out a demon who sought to remove my large intestines through my throat. " a few claps for her before his shoulders rolled in a shrug."you need not read through all of those books cover to cover.  would you accept a list of bullet points?"

Spider scoffed.  "Warden LeFey.  Don't feign shock so.  It doesn't take a genius to deduce I prefer the top."  Her smirk would tell him just how proud of herself she was for making him uncomfortable.  He shouldn't have told her that.  It encouraged her.  The mischievous side of her blood in particular.  As before she shut the window by speaking a single word.  Pairing it with a crisp beckon of her fingers.  She crossed to her father next.  Clasping her hands primly in front of her.  "You've hounded me since childhood about my lack of faith in books and now you are handing me cheat sheets?  How soft you've gone."  The purse of her lips deepened as she called him out.  "I will prove to you my studiousness, Father, and will read each cover to cover."  What else did she have to do until the day came he would finally allow them to take action and get her wife back?  Rebuild her wards and recharge her markings, yes.  But she could not amuse herself with that day and night.

Jamison had no other course of action that a fantastically british face palm. and then a nice slow long draw in of breath." You inherited that quality from your mother she certainly made the experience more memorable..." fight fire with fire? well he'd sure as hell try. " a list of subjects bullet pointed is by no means a cheat sheet... a cheat sheet offers answers without questions, a list only helps you to refine your search for the answers."

Half her blood was Summer blood.  The blood of fire.  There was little to fight.  Especially when it came to such ribald subject matter.  In fact his words drew from her a grin.  It was wild but it was true.  The first he'd seen since she'd come to him.  "I've no doubt.  Surely you still have her digits?  You should really ring her, you know."  Emphasis on should.  "I've already told you I think you really could use a good tossing."  Spider never said things she didn't mean.  "If you insist upon bullet points you can slide them under my door.  Good day."  This day at his laboratory was illuminating for a number of reasons.  She knew because of the steadier balance she felt within her warring halves that her and Jamison's relationship had become a tick less dysfunctional.  Even so there was only so much of him she could stomach in one day.

"One day when our differences are reconciled  I will in fact do that, but she and I have a great deal of ground to cover." Since she was getting up to leave he pulled his pipe out again, which he began to stuff with tobacco." I will provide them if you ask for them, I seek only to make your path easier to trek should you desire it." more or less saying that he wasn't going to force them  down her throat if she didn't want them

"And you're covering so much of it standing about puffing on dried leaves.  It's a marvel you've not reconciled already."  It was characteristic of her.  One last dig before leaving.  Beneath the jibe there was something plaintively hopeful.  What child did not want their birth parents united in love no matter how impossible the chances?  Standing in the doorway she tossed a catty glance in his direction.  One last word in a sardonically awed whisper.  "Inspiring."  She shut the door loudly to announce her departure.  Giving Jamison the peace and quiet he was more accustomed to.

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