)((How Do I Know For Sure? )( A Log ))(

[Arcadia Caughey]

She didn't have time to go to where the blue box stood as of late. At least, she felt she didn't have the time. So she took advantage of the portal she'd installed in there, coming out the mirror hung underneath the spiral stairs unexpectedly, but not unannounced. Because as soon as she stepped through it, she was calling for him and running up those stairs almost two at a time. "Brother!" Yelled nice and loud, and it was rare that Arcadia ever raised her voice. "DOCTOR!" That one he'd be able to hear no matter where he was. If he wasn't here right now, she was going to be rather upset.

The doctor was standing in front of the console's screen, starring at it rather pensively when she entered the ship. Though he did snap out of it when she made it up the stairs. "oh! Caddy. brilliant maybe you can help me with this here. kitty says its a picture of a boat, but I for the life of me can't seem to make it out..." motioning to one of those magic eye pictures that was on the screen.

"If your pregnant wife says it's a boat then it's a boat even if it's a goose." She said that with a tone that said her answer was absolute and the problem solved. If it had been any other time she would have added a chiding comment about how a man of his age should already know that bit of wisdom when it came to dealing with women, but her mind was on one fixed issue. She was still in her true form - blonde hair, golden eyes, and in fact she was wearing the exact same thing she'd been wearing during her visit from Asgard - the black doll-like dress and her knee high lace up boots, the fishnets still stuffed in her worn cotton bag which was over her shoulder as usual. She'd come directly from Asgard to here, though the one benefit was that she was far more sober than she'd been when Thor had suggested the thing which caused her frantic mood now. Hand on his shoulder, she pulled his eyes off his screen and him towards her. Once she had his eyes on hers she said emphatically. "I need your help."

"but then she'd be wrong, a goose isn't a boat, unless of course the goose has fleas, then it would be a flea boat..." he looked off for a second only to snap his attention back to her and sober up his attitude. "what? what's wrong... are you hurt? is everything alright?" all said very quickly the doctor immediately stepping closer and producing his sonic screwdriver.

Pregnant women were never wrong, unless you wanted deeply to regret calling them so. But sadly the Doctor wasn't going to get that warning from her, because he managed to focus on her problem and she wasn't about to distract him again. "No. I don't know. You need to tell me. You need to use that thing," a point at the sonic screwdriver, "and you need to tell me everything it tells you. Everything." Only after she emphasized that a second time did she drop her hand from his shoulder. Her grip had probably been like a vice when she was holding on to him, and she was just a liiiittle bit intense right now. And being unfair. She wasn't telling him what was wrong. She didn't want what she said to skew how he looked at what the screwdriver told him.

The doctor looked a little confused and changed the setting on the sonic screwdriver. taking a moment before holding it out towards her body and clicking it, holding it down for a long while, maybe a full two minutes before he released its button and gave a nod- "well ... it shows before me a perfectly healthy twenty year old woman. supper from a rather common case of vampirism. it also scanned an energy source that it couldn't identify, but its always been that way. s'probably the wind around you, magic doesn't really mesh with this technology well.. why, is something wrong?"

But it's always been that way. She was very still the entire time he scanned her to make sure that nothing interfered with the readings he got but when he said that she looked away. "Yes." Something was wrong. "Let's test it some other way then, aye? Take a bit o' me blood and scan it, or...or a tissue sample? A scrapin' of m' heart, somethin' like that, that would get you more detailed readings than a scan wouldn't it?" Okay, she was offering to let him slice her open to get a tissue scraping of her heart, she was obviously either bugging out or determined. Both, really. "And Archer can't know about this," she added emphatically, snapping her eyes to look back at him. "Not a word o' it, no matter what y' find."

"wait wait ... no, I'm not just testing random things unless you tell me what I'm looking for... it's dangerous to shoot blindly into situations like that..." the doctor said that very firmly and put the sonic screwdriver away, motioning her to follow him to the infirmary in the TARDIS. "what am I testing for? i might be able to narrow the tests needed down for it."

The sigh was enormous. What was ironic was that if she were in the Doctor's position she would have said the same thing. But she wasn't in his position, she was in hers and Arcadia was a stubborn lass who wanted what she wanted how she wanted it - especially when she was feeling vulnerable. "The energy. That y' can't define with your screwdriver. I need it defined, as defined as y' can manage." That wasn't what he was testing for, it was what he was testing, but she was hoping that would narrow it down enough for him to do what he needed without wanting to know more. She followed after him, a step behind.

The doctor watched her eyes for a moment and then gave a nod, infirmary was out, laboratory was in. so instead of going into the clean room they went into a very tech savvy room. lots of doohickys and dealies and the like. "so you would like me to identify the energy source controls the wind at your disposal?" he started turning on a bunch of random machines. "I'm going to need a deep tissue cellular scan, stand on that platform there please"

She would have preferred the infirmary. Arcadia was not a technologically savvy person, nor was she at home when surrounded by it. But he was the only one who could help her, and he and his technology were perhaps the best suited to help her, so she drew herself up and pushed the leery twist in her stomach out of her mind. As she walked towards the platform he indicated, she hesitated. The energy source. Controlling the wind. Those were two different things. But if he wanted to think the energy source was what helped her control the wind, so be it. She'd been able to do that long before the accident, ever since she was Spriggan's age. "Aye." The way she said it...well she tried to say it agreeably. She just wanted to see what he found, honestly, without her mucking up what he was looking at with her worries. Once on the platform, she turned to face him and waited. "And you're not gin' t' tell Archer o' this, aye?" Asked in a tone that had a faint bit of pleading.

"not unless you ask me to, hold still" and he activated the machine, which caused a disk lower around her, scanning a line of light around her body, and then back up, and then a different color scanned down and up her body, before the machine shut off, the doctor having taken a seat on a roll chair zoomed around the room while that was happening and with the scanned finished he said." brilliant! preliminary readings say that the energy source is not mechanical,or technological." which he expected it to say "anything more then that, we'll have to way until the scans have finished loading into the computers."

"I won't ask y' to." That she was sure of. Then, she shut her eyes. She had to. As soon as the machine started making sound and moving and flashing light at her she had to close her sight off to what it was doing or else she was going to be tempted to step right back off the platform and say nevermind to this brilliant plan. Once the machine stopped moving about her she relaxed somewhat...well, she opened her eyes, at least. She was carrying a lot of tension around with her right now, because of what fears were on her mind. That it wasn't machine or technology related gave her little comfort, because she too knew that already. "How long will that take? Can I step away from here?"

"yes you can, make yourself comfortable, it can take anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes... but i don't think it will take anywhere near that long." and with that he turned in his chair to see a screen, tap tap tapping at a few things. "it's not biological either, its sort of like an ambient aura that surrounds your body at all times... sort of like... magic. from what i understand actual physical magic holds an aura like effect about the practitioner correct?"

She made herself comfortable by stepping off the platform and just sinking to the floor. Sitting there Indian style with her head in her hands, her hair covering her face. "Shit." Whoa! She wasn't the type to drop words like that, not on a normal day. Which is why underneath the cover of her hair she grimaced. That was less than playing it cool. Take two. "Okay," she replied to him, picking her head up and trying to sound...fine. Whatever sounding fine sounded like. She felt like if it was possible she'd have a rip roaring headache right about now. "Aye. That's...somethin' else. I don't need t' know about that. M' biological...map, or printout, or whatever..." God she really didn't know what the hell she was talking about when it came to science, and she was trying not to get frustrated. "Your screwdriver said I was twenty. So it read the age I was when the accident happened. I need to know more about that. The accident, what it did. Besides makin' me read t' your tool that m' twenty when m' not. Y' sure y' just don't want to take a scrapin' of me heart or somethin' like that? That's biological..." That was her trying to be helpful. Ha!

"there isn't anything I can learn from a scraping that I can already look at here..." the doctor brought up onto a big screen a 3d image of her body. which spun around and cycled throughall of the different types of read outs, x-ray, muscular system, circulatory system, all of that stuff. "there isn't much more i can do, the read outs simply show that your cells aren't dividing or aging anymore... its like you're frozen in time... it doesn't raise any red flags here on the monitors though, they simply show you as a healthy woman. picture of health actually. Iron is a little high but that's to be expected."

She stared at the different incarnations of her body. She even got up off the floor, going over closer to the monitor so she could scrutinize what she saw there. She knew what she was looking for. He didn't. But even then...there was nothing she saw that helped answer any questions. Her insides were twisting up again, it was enough that she briefly clenched her hands in frustration before she calmed herself by sheer force of will. She was having maturity level issues today, just because she was upset. "I'd like t' know why I was frozen in time. No one else I know is frozen this way without havin' been turned vampire." Said with the soothing air of a zen buddhist, that was her trying to get a hold of herself."

"Caddy, I don't know... and its not often i can say that, but really I don't... there is nothing there that shouldn't be, without actually seeing the accident there is no way for me to see why you where frozen in time..." he said softly in that understanding sort of tone that all doctors could use. "the only other case even remotely similar is that of a Captain Jack Harkness... Jack was unable to be killed in any manner of fashion, and I don't even know why that happens to him either."

She was staring in a sullen, sulking fashion at the screen now. Like if she kept staring it would show her something it only showed people if they committed to looking long enough. She hugged her arms over her chest, hands gripping the opposite bicep hard like it was some kind of comfort to her. Her thoughts were racing. A way to ask what she wanted to know. A list. Lists were always safe, he would know for sure if she was asking about the apple, the orange or the banana because it would seem like a casual series of possibilities. "Does this machine store scans? Could y' show me a scan o' him, for example, or aliens, or gods or other sorts o' creatures for comparison?"

[Arcadia Caughey]

"of course provided I've scanned it before in some fashion..." a key board popped out before the doctor, and then after some typings a scan of captain jack appeared, just like the one of hers, though his body was aging. "there is Jack, the difference here is that despite his inability to die, Jack is still aging, albeit very very slowly. as for Gods, I don't think so, Deity's don't often allow themselves to be scanned. well then again i haven't really ever met a god before..."

"Why don't they let themselves be scanned? Would somethin' bad happen?" Both questions were out of her mouth before she could make them sound more casual than they were asked. Her golden eyes shooting away from the screen and Captain Jack's scan to look at him. But she looked away just as quickly. Did she wince? She probably winced, faintly. She slid a hand up into the back of her hair, fingers clenching she gave her hair a slow pull. Like she was trying to discipline herself, make herself relax, whatever. She cleared her throat and added. "M' sure you've met a god at some point, with all the travelin' about y' do? Maybe they just didn't mention it and ye can search for it in there," a point at where he'd been typing. "somehow."

"if you where an all powerful omnipotent being would you want yourself to be scanned so everyone can know what makes you tick?" the doctor asked looking back at her upside-down, from his chair, maybe offering a small smile. "I can look, but i don't think that i have, why the desire to see what makes the gods tick?"

"Yes?" It was said stubbornly, hence the question mark. "If a god was omnipotent wouldn't really be a worry that anythin' people saw would do any harm, if it could the god wouldn't be omnipotent now would he?" She didn't go along with his 'if you were...' and give that answer like she was. She just couldn't do it. Not even hypothetically. "Books then. Or...books on the screen." What did he call books that he had on his computer screen? "Ye can look in them and they'd tell stories o' the gods, aye? I want t' know some stories about one named Idunn." She shifted her weight, arms still crossed tightly over her chest as she stared down his screen when she made that last request. She was very glad she wasn't prone to flushing these days.

"Idunn, Norse god of rebirth and recovery if I remember correctly here... here." and he brought up a great mass of information regarding the mythological character. "I don't know what it'll tell you, they're not scientific documents...you trying to research a friend of the good doctor blake's?" pushing the keyboard over towards her and spinning a bit in his chair.

Rebirth and recovery. "I feel sick." She didn't mean to say that. The total of her insides had churned in unison when he said she was the goddess of those things and she really did feel sick. Her hand reached up, covering her mouth. Like she was trying to keep any other words from spilling out. The more she stared at the words at the screen, especially since one in particular - 'apples' - was littered all over the place she really was looking a little green. She swallowed thickly. She dropped her hand from her mouth, intending to give him some vague reply - 'maybe' - in response to researching a friend of Doctor Blake but something more potentially truthful came out instead. "She's me. Maybe!" She yelped to correct herself. 'She's me' and maybe sounded similar and her own mind and tongue had trumped her. "I meant maybe, damn the gods. I tended Asgard's garden as a favor to Thor and he mentioned her." She said all of that firmly as if firmness would correct how she'd misspoken.

"really? that sounds interesting... what was it like asgard? wait, another time... right now.." and the doctor took the keyboard back now and clickity clacked quite a bit." so you think you might be a goddess?" more typing and then. "hm... there are a lot of similarities... but your abilities lie in magic, not a biological ability to do so, like the kennedy children, or Thor..."

"NO." She glared at him. "Thor does. Not me. The Kennedy children?" Asked with irritation, because she didn't know what he meant. Until she remembered the last name of Archer's fancy. "Oh." A little wave of her hand, he didn't have to clarify that anymore, that's what the gesture meant. "Depends on what abilities you're talkin' about. No magic I ever had before the accident allowed me t' plant meself and - " Why was she arguing in favor of this now? A shake of her head. In her mind she called herself an idiot. She slid her bag off her shoulder, and spoke while she yanked the drawstring of it open. "He said his Kingdom never responded t' an outsider as it has me. He said these apples only grow when she's there tendin' them." She yanked an apple out of her bag and plunked on the Doctor's computer, a flat-surfaced part of it anyway. How she'd gotten that apple on her way out of Asgard...well yes, that was magic. "They hadn't been growin'. He thinks she was in me. Like he with Donald. And that whatever the accident did it awoke her but...fused us, or somethin'. I don't know. I don't know what t' think or do, or..." She just trailed off. Staring down at her bag the entire time as she pulled it closed and shouldered it again. She was leaving the part out about how she'd felt planted in that land. How the land had pulled her in and pulled that form out of her...the things that were most suspicious to her, she was leaving out.

"Caddy, I really don't know... i really don't know how his land works or the abilities of his people, I know that the Asgardians aren't gods in the omnipotent and all encompassing sense... which leaves me to believe them as some sort of extradimentional beings, their abilities are beyond my scope of knowledge... and I'm certain that they take great pride in that fact as well..." when she held out the apple the doctor reached up and picked it up, taking a nice close look at it... "hm... and you said this apple is magical?" the doctor scooted his chair to the scanning platform and initiated a scan."hm... this is interesting, while it recognizes this apple as not similar to any breed i have on record, i don't see anything magical with it... perhaps, if my theory is correct and Asgardians are extradimentional... their magic stays within their walls?"

The poor Doctor was talking and Arcadia had faded off. Into her own thoughts and fears. She heard what he said, it was just distant and sort of bounced off of her like pebbles off a window. Because he said he didn't know, and that's what she was focused on. There was no 'i don't know' allowed here for her, which is why as soon as he stopped talking she grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and turned him on his rolling chair to face her, leaning over him as she looked him straight in the eye and said with all the demand she could manage mystically and otherwise. "Doctor. Please. I can't not know, how can I walk around and live not knowin' if I'm not actually who I am? Who I'm responsible for and what and how m' supposed t' spend m' days and...who I am, this is a crisis t' me don't y' see that?!" Did she really expect that would change what he could tell her? She wasn't actually thinking with the rational side of herself right now.

"I do see that Arcadia... and I am sorry but..." The doctor paused then and thought, turning from her after a second and typing up on his computer and then he turned back and smiled. "well, I believe i have an answer, and it's through the simplest form of logic there is ... the gods, are all living breathing things... every single one of them in all pantheons... but you, as callus as it may sound are very much dead, as a vampire you're neither living nor do you need to breathe... and ergo, cannot be a god."

"So if I was one m' not anymore. Because I died? Twice?" The accident had happened first, after all, not the vampirism. And technically she had died twice. She'd broken her connection to Venom on All Hallows Eve two years prior by calling her humanity back through sheer magical force only to let Adrian stamp out that humanity again with his blood. She sounded uncertain. She really wished she had a headache right now, because she felt like she should. The pain would be welcome to her. Maybe it's why she kept tugging at her hair like she was. She sat on the floor right where she was in a thud, bending low and putting her face in her hands. Maybe if Idunn wasn't the goddess of rebirth and recovery of all things his theory about her death washing the slate clean would have been easier for Arcadia to accept. "I want t' know for sure. How do I know for sure?" Surely he could tell her how to get her straight answer even if he couldn't give her one?

"precisely" he was rather proud of that logic, despite the fact he felt stupid for not knowing so earlier. but we'll leave that as what it was. moving down to sit in front of her. lowering down onto a knee. "Aye Caddy, biologically you're a human vampire with a strong magical aura... according to my machines which are the best in the universe you're nothing more then that... that's how you know for sure..."

She answered him, but the words got choked up in a sob and who knows what she tried to say. One sob lead to another and the crying she'd wanted to do ever since Thor told her his theory was coming out like a dam broke. "...pulled me in and changed me..." was a fragment that actually made sense. "...like it was mine..." was another and the third was "...incredible apple..." but that's about it and there were a whole lot of unintelligible sounds in between those three phases. At least she was letting it it all out, whether or not it made sense. If she didn't cry it out her insides probably would have twisted up so tight she would've popped.

The doctor leaned forward. wrapping both arms wrapping around her body , pulling her close. "I don't know caddy, I'm sorry..." the doctor tilted his head down to give the top of hers a soft little kiss. "you're going to be alright caddy... everything will be alright." petting down he back of her head.

She didn't fight him. Whether she knew it or not this was half the reason she was here. More than just getting answers, she needed to let this out and he was one of the few who'd ever seen her in a state like this. When he pulled her closer she wrapped her arms around him to and practically sat curled up in his lap, head buried in her shoulder as she just let it out. She didn't really say anything, she just clung to him for dear life until long enough went by that her crying lessened in severity and died down. Like a storm passing over, that's how she tended to cry.

and the doctor was there to help her, to hold her, help her weather this storm. rocking her back and forth. petting down the back of her head. he didn't say anything though, he was just holding her while she cried

Finally the crying trailed off to sniffles. She sighed in his shoulder, exhaling all the breath that she hadn't needed to live but that she did need to fuel her sobs. Besides the sniffles, she was otherwise still against him. Cool to the touch. Lifelessly still, just like he'd pointed out she was earlier - without life. It was only after she was done crying that she realized how tightly she was squeezing him, that she'd been digging her fingers into his back. She loosened her grip, nestling her cheek in the warm hollow of his throat and letting herself be soothed by the dual beat of his hearts. "I hate feelin' outside o' everythin', belongin' nowhere. He's makin' it worse." Thor. All Thor's fault!

"I know caddy, I know... but you do belong somewhere. you belong here, you have family here and everyone in this ship loves and would do anything for you..." his words where meant to soothe. offering her a tight squeeze. scratching at her scalp just a little bit.

"But I don't belong in this ship when it's travelin'. I've no business in the business o' the universe." She wasn't trying to be insolent or a pain, she was just saying what she felt was the truth. She had calmed down considerably, her eyes closed as she dwelled on the lulling sound of his hearts. Even her body released all it's tension, nestled in his lap comfortably. Her weight was much lighter than one would expect. Because she wanted it to be. "I love everyone on this ship," she added after a rarely foolish pause. It had taken Arcadia a long time to speak her feelings so outwardly but sometimes...she still had moments where she felt foolish doing so. "Thank y' for tryin' t' help, brother." She added pressing a cool kiss to his throat.

"you belong in this ship no matter where it is caddy, that's why i let you have a portal into it..." the doctor smiled then and brought a hand up to pet her hair back behind her head. scratching at her scalp just a little more after he did that, pressing his lips against her neck and leaving a nice brotherly little kiss there.

A sound came from her that was a cross between a growl and a purr. He was certainly soothing. Which was good, since she'd obviously needed to be soothed. It didn't mean that she'd forgotten about why she'd come here and why she was upset...it just meant she'd regained her calm and control and was thinking about it with a bit more rational thinking than before. A nip to his neck, in response to his kiss. She didn't bite. She didn't come here to drink from him. She still had the tingle on her tongue from the Asgardian maiden that was her meal. That lass' blood had left an oddly lasting impression. "On this ship, aye, but not outside o' it whenever it is." She didn't belong on other planet, she was damned sure of it.

"well technically caddy, that isn't in the ship... so you still have a place in the ship..." a poke to her side and a smile. head tilting down against her own. squeezing her once more before loosening again, relaxing against her as she was relaxing against him. "so I don't want to hear that you don't."

"Aye aye aye," said in a 'tush' sort of tone like she wished the subject dropped. "You win, I lose." See? She even conceded. She picked her head up a little bit to give him one of her wry little smiles. One of her arms relaxed entirely, her hand shifting to rest lightly against the back of his neck. She settled her head back against his shoulder in the most comfortable position she could find, and her golden eyes closed once more as she delighted in the sound of his heartbeat. To a vampire, the two hearts that beat in the Doctor's chest where a cross between a taunting temptation and a sweet lullabye. "What are your opinions o' gods, brother?" A quietly asked question. She was very curious to hear his answer.

"godship, yes,... it's been offered, people have simply just worshiped me as I am, but i still don't see myself as a god... I'm really quite happy as I am." smiling big and bright then offering a nod then. "according to the mythology it is, but i've never actually experienced such an offer."

"M' happy as I am." Said as an agreement. "I suppose if people worship y' as a god then y' are one. T' them at least, though t' yourself you're just as y' are. And nothin' is different in how things are perceived, y' perceive yourself as y' are and they perceive y' as they do and everyone keeps behavin' as they are so the actuality o' it is just semantics, isn't it...." She sounded tired. She probably was. With all she'd done since the sun had yet, and surely it was day by now...it was no wonder that Arcadia was exhausted, she hadn't been home since she'd left to walk the woods and gone to the cliff to send Thor that healing during the storm.

"exactly, which is precisely why I avoid that entire mess all together." a definite nod from the doctor who gave her a tight squeeze. "come on caddy, lets go have a lay down. get a bit of rest." yes he sensed she sounded tired and probably wouldn't mind a nice little power nap himself. they were his speciality.

She nodded. Maybe she could just tell herself that. Thor could think what he wanted, she could think what she wanted and it changed nothing. Except to her things had changed. Small things, but they had been changes and that's what had her panicked. She wasn't going to think about them though, not right now. "Aye." She was in total agreement about laying down. Anything to get out of this room with all of its machines, so many electronics filled her with unease. She wouldn't even be in here at all except that she trusted his control over them. She pulled herself up from his lap to standing. Even her tendrils of wind were moving slowly around her. A nap until nightfall was something she was going to be very grateful for.

[...fin!]