Joke of the Day

[Guest]

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

[Epiphany]

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu”!

Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?” “Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said.
”He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”

[Guest]

Whatta ya get when ya play a Country Western song backwards?


Yer dog comes back, yer wife comes back, yer Ma gets outta prison, yer horse comes home, and ya get yer pick-up truck back.

[Gawain]

How many Imperial Stormtroopers does it take to change a glow-panel?

Two. One to change it, and another to blast him with an ARC-trooper rifle and take the credit.

[Gawain]

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".


The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"


The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."


Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.


The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

[Madeline Cauthon]

Two old women met in the park.

One says to the other,"Did you come on the bus?"

The other old woman replied, "Yeah but I made it look like an asthma attack."

[Madeline Cauthon]

Gee remind you of anyone we know?

[Gawain]

These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - A, E, I, O, and U.

[Madeline Cauthon]

Here's a pic of Gawain from another board. He was transformed into well.... this. Enjoy!!!!!