She Finally Had Enough .... ( Open, if you wanna join come on in!)

[AngelRayne]

( OOC Warning: This post may , pfft ok it does, contain offensive language and Angel going a bit crazy. All in the fun of Char Dev! But, if you find language and violence icky or whatever DON'T READ THIS! If you are under 13, DON'T READ THIS! Ummm, I think that's it. You have been warned! )

" No, I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again
Here I go again "

Angel was, well there wasn't really any words to describe how pissed off Angel really was. Here she did everything she could in her mind and heart to find Raph, to keep in touch with him. Anything to know that he was still alive and well. She wrote multiple letters to him, some she knew never never made it to him, others she wasn't really sure if they had found him or not .. she could never find the messengers. This last letter, she made damn sure she could find the messenger and she knew that he had in fact received the letter. The only thing she didn't know, was if he had read it at all. And that information she couldn't get without talking to him.

She's not stupid, it's been a week at least, of not more then that. He was done with her, tossed aside for some other piece of ass more then likely. So nice of him to tell her to her face that she wasn't worth the effort anymore. That all their time together was some sort of fucked up game or something. It made sense to her, at least. Why else would he not write, or attempt to come back and find her? He had to know she was looking for him .. right? No matter she had told him that she didn't want to get hurt again, the promise he made her didn't mean jack apparently. And what about her son? He loved that man like he was his father. How was she going to tell Az that he wasn't going to see Raph again? That they where both tossed aside like pieces of garbage. That conversation was gonna go over really well.

She was pacing her room by now, both hands literally ablaze with her anger. Angel had to go somewhere and calm down, or hit something ... Raph would be nice in the situation but that wasn't going to happen any time soon. She'd have to settle for something else.

There was an arena type area somewhere around the Inn. Angel had seen it on one of her exploration trips. Now could she make it to the area with out burning down the whole place that would be the task at hand now. She took deep, unneeded breath, and let it out really slow. Trying hard to calm herself before she started out for the arena. Another deep breath was taken, and again let out slowly. The flames around her hand started to calm, closing her light blues she focused on something else. Anything but the bastard that broke her heart. Az, Silver, Fally. The only men in her life that haven't hurt her .. yet. So not all men where heartless bastards, just the ones she decided to share her bed with apparently. Good memories ran through her mind, the first time she met Fally, so many years ago in SBR. The way he can make her smile even after her heart was broken into a million pieces. The first time she held Az in her arms, before he was taken away from her by her father for that period of time. How innocent Az is, all the silly questions he'd ask when he was younger. How amazed he was the first time he saw Angel do magic. Silver, that goddamn wolf, he was such a pain in her ass but damn it if it wasn't always right about everything. Every time! No matter what it was about. When would she ever learn to listen to him? Hell if she knew, but maybe she should start soon. She'd save herself a lot of trouble.

The flames where gone from her hands now, amazing what the power of good memories can do to a person. Specially one that has a hard time dealing with her emotions, even before she started feeding normally. Light blues opened and she glanced around her room, no damage was done, thankfully. Boots where slipped on quickly, quick and light kiss to the top of her sons head and out the door she slipped, shutting the door softly behind her. Boots didn't make a sound as she walked down the hall towards the steps that led down to the Inn's main floor. Down the steps and towards and out the door she would go. Time to find this arena.

" Tho' I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the loney street of dreams "

It took Angel a bit to find the arena, but when she did that famous little Angel smirk crossed her red lips. "Bout bloody time I find this place ... it's not going to be the same as harming the bastard that hurt me, but this should do just fine for now..." Booted feet took her inside the arena, light blues reading over the sign that said something about the place being fire resistant. "Perfect. I can let the magic go, maybe it will also help me to control it once again."

First things first though, she had to make the setting just right. A little glamor would help with that one. Angel started to concentrate, picturing the Alliance Gardens .. where her, Raph and Az had spent the most time together. They where both over by the lilies, arms around each other talking about something or another. Their walks in the garden had always ended by the lilies, cuz they where Angel's favorite flower. With the picture in her mind, Angel let go of her magic and let it do it's work. Suddenly the arena was transformed into the Alliance gardens, just as she had pictured it. Just she wasn't in the picture, one of the training dummies had been turned into Raph standing in front of the lilies with that warm loving smile we would always have on his face when he was around her and Az.

"You lying bastard! " Angel growled, light blues narrowing at the dummy Raph. " 'I'll never hurt you.' " She let the flames consume her hand and fire one at the dummy, watching it catch fire in the right arm. " Biggest buncha bullshit I've ever heard, never hurt me? What the hell do you call what you're doing to me now? Do you think this has been a walk in the goddamn park or something? " Another fireball was cast at the target dummy, this one aimed right for the family jewels. " I can't believe I fell in love with you and the saddest part is, I still do love you. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. I shouldn't. I shouldn't care that you even fucking exist."

Booted feet took her over the path that she created with the illusion, bring her closer to the semi burning Raph dummy. Light blues watching the flames as they flickered and danced over the parts of the dummy she had hit. " This is supposed to be making me feel better, watching you burn like the fucking bastard that you are. It's not helping, not at all. So many unanswered questions. Questions that, I probably don't wanna know the answers too and will more then likely never know the answers too. Did you ever really love me Raph? What about Az, did you ever love him? "

Close to the dummy now, on the other side of where the flame was, she quickly pulled out her dagger from her boot and slammed it into the heart of the dummy. " How's that feel Raph? Hurts don't it? Oh what you should know that already, Val did it to you before me. That's how you got me hooked, the poor sad Raph. 'Oh help me Angel, I don't know what to do Angel.' " She rolled her light blues, twisting the dagger a bit in the hole she made in the dummy. " Played the broken hearted guy just right didn't you Raph? Won over the heart of the cares about everyone Speaker, wouldn't hurt a fly Angel, wears her emotions on her sleeve silly vampire though didn't you Raph? " Another twist of the dagger was given, smirking a bit now. This was kinda fun, still would be better if it was the real Raph but the dummy would have to do. Of course that came from the Brujah inside.

"I wish I could not love you ... toss away the time spent together like you seemed to so easily do... " Hand came off the dagger, and moved with her left to wrap around the neck of the dummy. " I wish I could really see you and choke the life out of you. " Flames that where around her hands flared up, bright purple and black. See this wasn't normal fire, it was Angel's magic fire. The colors representing herself, her soul you could say. " But I wouldn't be able too, or at least you'd think I wouldn't be able too. But my dear Raphael, I have changed quite a lot in the past two years. In between looking for you and trying to save my son from my father, I learned a few things. "

Hands let go of the dummy's neck, stepping back a moment to watch it burn some more. " What did I learn you wonder? Haha! " She started laughing, laughing so hard she had to hold her sides for the moment, flames dying out for the moment as she did so. " That you'll never know my dearest. You couldn't take the time away from whatever the hell you where doing to see if I was even still alive. You don't DESERVE to know anything about me or my son." She had stopped laughing by the last line she spoke, light blues staring down the dummy. " You are worthless, you don't deserve my love ... " The flames around her hands flared up again and sent a volley of fireballs towards the dummy. "But yet I can't not love you ... I can't not care ... why is that?" Head titled a bit, those light blues still watching the burning dummy. Part of her wanting to put the flames out and run to the dummy Raph, to wrap her arms around him kiss at the burn marks, pull out the dagger to his heart and patch it up. The other part of her, the part that was still running the show, the newly revived Brujah that was always there, wanted to watch him burn. To take the dagger and stab him through the heart a few more million times. To make, for now, the dummy pay for the hurt, the hell, the pain she was going through right now.

The Brujah won out though, she was up on the dummy again right hand reaching for the dagger that was jammed into his heart. Dagger was pulled out and brought to his neck. Sharp blade held tight against his smooth elven flesh, not tight enough to cut, yet, but tight enough to get the point across. " It would be so easy to just take your fucking head off right now. Watch the blood drain from your beautiful body, watch your head roll and your eyes look up at me and wonder why I did that. But like I said that would be to easy ... you don't deserve a quick death. A nice slow one is more fitting. Eye for an eye right? You killed me slowly, so why shouldn't I do the same for you?" She pressed the dagger a bit harder against the flesh of the fake Raph's neck, finding herself wishing it was the real Raph, the current amount of pressure would be enough to cut him. Which would in turn cause him to bleed, causing Angel to frenzy .. she hadn't fed in the past day or so. Not that she was going back to her old ways, she just hadn't gotten out yet. A frenzied Brujah wasn't something to mess with. But at lass, it was only a dummy so there wouldn't be any blood shed this night.

"Had enough yet Raph? That fires gotta hurt like a son of a bitch, the dagger slowly cutting into your neck can't feel all that good either. Why'd you have to lie to me Raph? Why'd you have to make me love you? Why'd you hide like a little bitch? Did you think I wasn't a big girl, that I couldn't handle your sorry ass leaving me? " She quickly took the dagger from his neck and slammed it into his heart once again. " Well, you where right to be a scared little boy. Though, it probably would be a lot less worse had you actually come and been a man about all this."

Once again she stepped away from the dummy, light blues taking in the damage that she had done to it so far. Right side was burning with purple and black flames, family jewels where just about non exsistant thanks to the earlier well placed fireball. " You look such a mess Raph! Why'd you have to hurt me Raph? I wasn't mean to you, I protected you, I loved you, I was faithful to you. Why'd you lie to me Raph? Why'd you leave me behind? I didn't want to hurt you like this, I wanted us to be happy. We had a wedding to plan, a whole life ahead of us to be together. I had finally found someone that wouldn't out age me, that I wouldn't have to watch die. Why Raph?" She finally started to cry, after all of that raw hatred, the sadness finally kicked in. Tears rolled down her cheeks, the purple and black flames that where just around her hands started to consume her whole body. Once the flames where totally around her, they started to spread setting the gardens on fire. She fell down on to her knees, covering her face with her hands and placing her elbows on her knees. Once she was in that position, Angel started to sob, shoulders shaking and there she would stay, for the time being. The Brujah, subdued for now.

[♥Allissya♥]

Having taken some time away from the Inn, it was on this day that she decided she could come back, though she was still unsure about facing her mother. After spending hours wondering why her father wanted nothing to do with her, all a waste, she finally went to her mom to have a heart to heart. Funny that it had taken the girl so long to go about it, it wasn’t like her mother was a scary lady or anything, it just wasn’t the sort of thing she herself felt comfortable with. Now she was wondering if perhaps she shouldn’t of done that.

It was one thing to learn that whom you think you are, due to whom raised you, cared for you, loved you and nurtured you, you weren’t. But when that rug had been whipped out from under her feet, she had thought she handled it well. I mean it is not every day that you learn that you are not only not really from the planet you grew up on, and that your not just another vanilla human but that you happen to be a demi god, and that your mom happens to be the nice lady you met once or twice since arriving at a place you didn’t want to come to in the first place. Damn Winston…if he wouldn’t of followed his then girlfriend Shane here, she wouldn’t of ever got summoned to bring some items to him, which ended up being for people other then her, and then here she was entangled in so many webs.

A bright spot had come in that whole tangledness, or if she was honest more then one, she found out she had a sister. Not a sister because of shared blood, but because her birth mother had raised the girl, which made part of Al wonder why she wasn’t good enough to be raised by her mother. But that had something to do with others and it wasn’t really her fault, and they had crossed the bridge. It did not help matters that the first time she had met her sister that she thought she was hot. She was slowly getting over that, now it was more like yep this is my sister, that I totally don’t want to do. And of course, thanks to her sister she had met someone that had her attention, through no fault of his own. Though he had not completely discouraged her attention, not that she would of listened much anyways, once she had her sights on something she was a patient but her sights rarely wavered. Not saying that someone couldn’t get her attention off of the man, just it would actually take work, whereas for the man it had taken nothing. But then again if said person had a accent…a mental shake she was getting ahead of herself. Even though she had been gone from the Inn, she still made sure to replenish the basket that was at his door daily, that was a habit that would last until he flat out asked her to quit.

Aggression was a emotion that she knew, and right now she had the urge to hit something, it was the step after dealing with some things. Steps were always important, it wasn’t that the girl was lacking for physical activity either, she was a avid runner, and though she was slacking right now, she really needed to do something about that, she wasn’t in that bad of physical shape. After she had gotten checked into the Inn, she heard that there was an arena for practicing fighting and a work out area. Though she had not used the arena here at the Inn, she thought why not, and instead of going up to the room she shared with her mother, she made her way down into the basement where it was located at.

She heard the voice first, before she even entered the main room, then the angry words were replaced with words of sadness. She had thought about turning and going back not wanting to get involved with whatever it was that was going on in the room, but the sobs, that had perked up her ears had her giving a little sigh, why couldn’t she just not care about people in general, or maybe it was just the mood she was in…because the next thing she knew she was stepping into the room. The room that had purple and black flames eating it up, and the cause of it seemed to be the one crying.

The girl did not look familiar to Al, so she did not exactly walk right up to her, she was flaming upset! But she called out a well placed. “Are you alright?” Besides it might be nice to have to deal with someone else’s issues instead of her own. Her voice had a lilt about it, that seemed to be more melodic the more and more her own gifts grew within her, thanks to Spider and the training she did.

[AngelRayne]

Angel hadn't heard the lady come in, nor was she in the right state of mind to even feel anyone approaching her. So Angel was a bit startled when she heard someone ask if she was alright. Hands pulled away from her face, blood shot light blues looking to the one that spoke, still shimmering from the tears left unshed. " Do I look alright?" The words where growled at the lady. Crimson lips fell into a soft frown, shaking her head a bit. " I'm sorry you are not the one that I am upset with. I shouldn't have sounded that way." A shake of her head was given, the purple and black flames starting to slowly die, the others around the arena would die out on their own.

"Physically, yes I am fine. Emotionally and ..." Those blood shot light blues glanced around the arena, taking in the damage she had done to the place. Well the damage that would have been done had the place not been fire proof. " mentally, I don't think so." Frown stayed on those crimson lips after she spoke, those light blues not being able to stand the mess she made looked back to the lady. " I'm Angel, I've had a real rough day, week, year ... whatever and I guess I just let my emotions get the best of me this time around." It really didn't help, the whole newly feeding right thing and the Brujah coming out when ever it had the chance to slip past Angel's defenses.

[♥Allissya♥]

Most people, even those with acute hearing, did not usually hear Al when she entered a room. The girl had a ninja like ability that she did not have to even flex into using, it was natural, like breathing. It also helped with her other outside of her job activities. Not that she was going to say what those were, no use in ratting ones self out right? Right!

The sharp tone of the words, had no effect on Al, mayhaps they should of, but they didn’t. She had spoken to many in a tone that would make her own snippy snap seem like child’s play. When one was working in a man’s world she couldn’t let them think her soft and pliable, she had to be harder, colder and smarter then them all, and she was.

The look she was giving the other woman, was sort of as if she was dissecting her, right that very moment. All she needed was a telescope, and a pair of tweezers, before her head shook a bit. “Well you do look a bit peaked…” The tone was flat, not a hint that there could be a bit of a tease, because there could have been but she did look peaked, and pissed and a few other choice emotions.

Chuckling, she could not help it, so why fight something that wanted to come out? “I dare say I am not the one your mad at, as we have yet to even meet. That would be some feat on my behalf though would it not?” A twinkle entered those bright green eyes.

It was good to know that the woman was fine physically, she wasn’t a healer persay, but she would know how to find one. That bit would be the easy thing, if she was speaking to the one she knew, but then again she was sure she could of gotten someone else. And it wasn’t hard to tell the girl wasn’t quite playing with a full deck of cards mentally, but men could do that to you, if you let them. Okay let’s be honest here so could females, but they were dealing with the first issue not the second. “Man trouble.” It was spoken rather matter of factly, not only because she had urges like that before, but because she heard stuff.

“Hello, Angel, I would say it was nice to meet you, but I am thinking that has yet to be determined.” A half grin. “I’m Al.” That was as much of a name as she would give out, and if figured out Al’s full name and called her by it, well Al was not liable to answer. Only a few people got away with calling her anything other then Al. “Then it is a good thing that the year has just freshly started. The week and day will both restart soon as well.” That was one way of looking at it. Straight and to the point, no need to try to cover things, or dance around the fact that things changed. She was attempting to give the woman a bit of hope that things would be better the next year, but then again, she had her own things to worry about, so maybe by speaking to this woman, whom was already compartmentalized in her brain, she was speaking to herself as well.

[AngelRayne]

The purple and black flames finally died down from around the vampire. Now the question was did she have the energy to actually get up off the ground? The old Angel, would have been left on her knees in that same spot for a long while. Just for the fact of the amount of energy she had consumed, during that little fit she had. But that was the old Angel, the fighting the vampire inside her Angel. This Angel, rocked back on her heels and sat there like that for the moment. "Isn't it always men trouble? Or women trouble in some cases." Both hands moved to rest on her knees, blood shot light blues glancing over to the still burning Raph dummy, with that loving grin still plastered on his face. Right hand made a small gesture towards the dummy. "That would be the object of my anger. He just ... " No Angel stop there before you go into another fit of rage. "Yeah."

Those blood shot light blues continued to look at the dummy for a moment, letting what Al said sink in. " What a hell of a way to start out the new year I'd say. But you do have a point." Eyes finally looked away from the dummy, Angel couldn't stand to see that loving grin on his face anymore. What a crock of crap that was. Instead she looked back to Al. " The old year is done, the new one has just started. Day turns into night and time hasn't stopped for anyone. But still, like I said, what a hell of a way to start the new year." She managed a soft laugh then, a real Angel laugh, that managed to reach those blood shot light blues. " I think this year and for awhile, no one is going to get my heart except my friends and my son. Love is such a hard game to play .. and I'm getting tired of losing."Not that she had a long list of guys or anything, most of her relationships had lasted a long time. All that was said with a nod of her head, those light blues finally taking a real good look at Al. Not staring or anything, just looking her over. She looked sorta familiar, not that she's seen the girl before, but there was something about her that stuck out to Angel. "By the way it's nice to meet you Al. Wish it would have been under different circumstances." Little shrug of her shoulders was given then.

[♥Allissya♥]

Really, it was a good thing that Angel had the strength and energy to get up after such a display of anger, otherwise it could have been a even shakier first meeting. Even if at the beginning of her learning she had gifts, she had to drawn on a special marking that she had done by Spider, now she was more at ease with her gifts. Even if she kept her marking fully charged, it was a habit and it was always better to be prepared for the unexpected then to be taken off guard. She did not like things that she was uncertain of. Things had their place and if they were slightly outside of the lines you could usually give them a general categorization. At least that was how things had been back home, here was a bit, different.

It was rather good that the woman, Angel, was indeed that a female, otherwise if Al had knowledge that she knew her mother, she would be wondering if Angel was her father. Funny how such a conversation could take place, but that was no the case, thankfully. Oh yes, there was a question and her lips kicked up a notch on either side, causing a bit of a grin. “Sometimes females are more trouble then the males.” She would give a point there, but she was not done speaking. “Though they both like to drag out the pain.” She was the sort that liked the pain to be ripped off like a bandage, not those that played with emotions for their own sick little games. So far in her young life, whenever someone had tried to drag out and mess with emotions, she ripped off the bandage herself. It was actually quite amusing to watch the other scramble because they suddenly lost at their own twisted game.

Bright leaf green gaze located the now beat up dummy of a man. Almost as if she was taking what measure of him she could, even though it was not the real man, gaze turned serious for just a moment. Okay, so her gaze was always serious, but if one had glanced they would see the calculations going on behind the lovely shade. Those same eyes then moved over to Angel, that was how the woman had introduced herself, and for now she was in a safe little compartment in Al’s head. “I am guessing that you took a bunch of crap, were there for him when he needed, then when he took all you had to give, he tossed you aside.” A pause. “Possibly not letting you know you were tossed aside for a while to keep you on a string, just in case, an insurance policy if you will?” It might have been asked almost as a question, yet something in the words, made it very much a statement. Normally she was in tune with things, unless it was something that effected her directly. For herself she was very persistent in small ways, like leaving food at a door, every single day. She had yet to miss one day, and always she picked up the basket to refill it. Really she should invest in another, so she could just make one trip instead of two. Yes, that was what she was going to do.

Back to the matter at hand, it was better to concentrate on another’s issues then those that you had of your own, at least that was what she was telling herself. Maybe if she could get her mother to write a list of all the men that could possibly be her father. A mental shake of her head she had a feeling she wouldn’t want to see that list for she feared it would be rather, huge.

She usually did have a point. It was one of those traits. “Time heals all pains. Time also waits for no one.” She gave a half grin. “Time can either be your best friend, or a bitch, but either way its going to keep moving. Only you can decide how much more of it you are going to devote to someone whom does not wish to devote it to you.” It might sound as if she had never had her heart broken, and maybe she hadn’t truly, or maybe she was just stronger then what she was given credit for. In her line of work she knew you had to look out for number one at all times, and for the most part that applied to her personal life as well. Always there was a chink in armor, but that wasn’t being shown at the moment.

Maybe it was something in the way that Angel was looking at her, it wasn’t a down right stare, but it was one of those looks that had the prickles spreading along her neck. She heard a lot of the people that resided here knew each other, and so she had to ask. “Are you one of the residents that knows a bunch of the others?” She figured she had better to explain. “I should say the whole little family that resides here.” It wasn’t little, and with halfs and fosters and surprises the family was rather large.

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