A quiet bit of meditation. (semi-closed, see post)

[Gawain]

[Hiya! It's me, the guy behind Gawain's curtain. I'm keeping this post semi-closed, open to one person whom I have already contacted. However, lest anyone think I am standoffish, if you have a good reason, SL-wise, to find Gawain, I can make it happen. Just send me a PM and let me know. Right now, Gawain's gonna make it so that he can't be found unless you know exactly how he's hidden. Thanks, and happy gaming!]

Gawain had stopped by his room, mostly to shuck the sweaty t-shirt he wore in favor of a solid black one, with, surprisingly enough, no words or logo. His pants were replaced with a pair of jeans, and his shoes and socks were left behind. Satisfied that he was ready, he slipped the bronze medallion he had obtained years earlier into his pocket and headed out.

Soon, Gawain was breathing clean, pure air. He could smell dozens upon dozens of different plants, animals, and even a number of lichens. He felt at home, practically peaceful. Slowly, after crossing the bridge, he left the beaten path, crossing the garden in a zig-zag manner to throw off his scent to any but a select few. After walking for an hour or two, he stopped, looking around and smiling.

This was the spot, he thought as he plopped down on the brush-carpeted ground. Slipping his hand into his pocket, he withdrew the medallion, placing it on the ground in front of him. Then, he relaxed, slipping into the lotus position. After some insistence on one particular person's part, Gawain had taken up yoga to relieve stress. It even worked, sometimes.

His eyes closed, and soon his breathing slowed, as did his heart rate. As he felt himself slipping into a light trance, he reached down and grasped the medallion between his palms, holding it close for a moment. This was the part he despised, but it's necessity was not to be argued at this point. He rose slowly, almost imperceptibly, into the air, scant feet above the ground. The medallion floated into the air before him, and his hands and feet, as if drawn, came out to point in a four-point pattern to the medallion. Then, he tilted, coming to a stop completely inverted.

His mind's eye saw flashes, images he couldn't, or maybe wouldn't, accept. Killing this man, torturing that one. Fangs tearing flesh, the reverie of the hunt plain to see. Then, a voice. "Been at it again, ain'tcha, you great ninny? I taught you better'n that, ye big mutt!" His eyes didn't open, for the voice came from the ether, belonging to his mentor, foster-mother, and friend. "Nanny, are you real?" "As real as the dead can be, ya oaf. Now then, are we gonna do this or not?" "Yes, Ma'am. I'm ready. I am sorry for what I've done, departing from your teachings, but...things got complicated, Nanny." "Complicated my arse, Gawain. Ya never tried being a young woman, daughter of a shaman, who turned into a great bloody bear twice the month!" "Yes Ma'am, I know. I just want to get myself back, is all. There are people who deserve the best I can be, and I aim to give it to them. In both ways." "There's me boy. Now, let's begin."

What happened next is a closely guarded secret that was shared with Gawain by his mentor, the woman who taught him that he was gifted, not cursed, and that he could, and would, control his gift. She tapped into power he didn't know he had, and trained him in the use of that, as well. Further training would come later, at the Black Tower, but that is a different story. Even as this was going on, he stayed motionless in the air, a slight hum issuing from his medallion. No magic (or, if you want to be pretentious, magick) could wrest the medallion away, and a burnt hand was the least of the injuries the person who touched it would, unless otherwise specified by Gawain in the ritual, suffer upon their person. After awhile, the hum faded, and he simply hung there, a slight smile on his face. Soon, a bluejay swooped down and landed on his leg, apparently feeling it safe to do so. That made Gawain smile a little more. Already it was working, and he couldn't have been happier.

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

What a time it had been. Events had collided together, some of them more than she could handle. She wanted to be one of the great women she had heard so much about and in order to be one there was no room allocated for personal weaknesses or doubts. She had to be level-headed, have a clear mind, and not be influenced by things on an emotional level.

De'Ryanna failed at many of those things within the past few months. For all her efforts and show of being an adult she was still a child that had a lot to learn.

Needing to escape the confines of the Inn, but not wanting to travel away from it, she found herself being drawn to the garden. Its large expanse, trees, and the feel of nature made it the perfect refuge for a troubled mind. Her walk took her to the water and she knelt down beside it, her full skirt settling around her. Scooping the water with her hands she splashed it on her face.

There. That did wonders. It cleared her mind enough for her to realize that she was not the only one in the gardens tonight. De'Ryanna was still for a moment before she stood and shook a few drops of water off of her hands. A brief scan of the area and she headed towards where she felt the other. Not to cautious for what could harm her here?

[Gawain]

Gawain was still in the throes of a less deep, yet still pretty serious, meditation. Still, old habits die hard, so what happens with animal instincts? His nostrils flared, and he sniffed at the air on a subconcious level. Aha, there she is. Something else? No, just the scent of two others on her. Armandeus, in close proximity, and not too long ago. An almost-missed scent....someone who had been close, but not in contact. Ah.

~Benjamin.~

The stray thought, though he didn't mean for it to happen, would probably drift to her own thoughts. They were, after all, much closer to being in tune with one another, given the bloodline. Still, he settled down, a simple smile affixing itself to his face. He had a feeling she would come to him, so he would simply wait and not seek to mask his presence. Well, not from her.

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

His thoughts did drift to her, but it was subtle enough for her to think that they were her own and she stopped and shut her eyes tight. That man. The simple thought alone caused her to think about him and the way he had looked at her with his dark eyes.

Discipline. That's what she needed right now. All her talk on focus and concentration and hers were running as rampart as a rabbit. Besides, she would know if he were here, and he wasn't. Was he?

Cracking open her eyes she stole a look around. "Stop being silly," she told herself, "He's not here." She started her walk again.

Somehow now her destination was clearer to her and she knew exactly where she had to go, directed by the earlier feeling. It did not take long, and then she saw him levitating in the air with a bird on his leg.

"Father?"

[Gawain]

"Hello, De'Ryanna. Pleased to see you, dear. A moment, please." His eyes still closed, he concentrated on stillness, and the medallion stopped shimmering and was still. His eyes opened slowly, and his smile broadened. "Push off, you. I'm not a statue, go find another roost!" Waving a bit, he finally convinced the blue jay to fly away, after which he righted himself and lowered gently to the ground.

He sighed softly and cracked his neck. Ah, that was better. "So, De'Ryanna, what brings you out this far? Before you tell me, I need to tell you something. I'm sorry, daughter. Both for my previous outburst, and for my absence in your life. I want to be a part of your life from now on, if you don't mind. Too much time has passed, and I'm serious about this. All the adventures, all the wars, they can wait and younger men can be called upon. I want to be a father and husband. That is, if your mother doesn't skin me for being gone."

He had to ask, despite himself. "So, something has you worked up, and, knowing that you take after your Mother so much, I know it isn't our previous argument. It's been too long, and you would have cooled off since then. Is there anything you need, dear?" Calm, cool, and collected....but very focused. That was Gawain, and he hoped he could maintain that for some time to come. Regardless, he looked to Ryanna and smiled, waiting for her to speak.

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

"You can call me Ryanna if you wish." Then there was a slight pause as she watched him in the position he was in. He had to be Channeling, that had to be the reason for hairs prickling on the back of her neck. "Armandeus, he calls me Ryan. The only person I've allowed to shorten my name." It was true. Her mother and brother didn't count.

Stepping closer she stole a glance up to the sky, particularly looking to see if she could see the moon, then back to him. Moonlight was lovely. One of the things she enjoyed doing was going for walks under the light of the moon.

For tonight she going to try to talk to him without the high-class attitude she belayed a lot. She wasn't coming to him as a Sister, but more so as a daughter, or curious child. Still, she would go with what was easy to talk about.

"What's it like to shift forms? When I first spoke with you in your room, I told you that I can't." She placed her hand upon a nearby tree, but only barely. "Benjamin...said that he could teach me though..." and she trailed off again in thought. He had said a lot of things.

"Could I really learn to shift?"

[Gawain]

Gawain grinned then, stretching slowly as he stood. "It's entirely possible to learn. You have the gift, it's in your blood, but sometimes one must be taught to harness the gift, much like the difference between Wilders and those who must be taught to Channel. As for Benjy teaching you anything, well, you already know my feelings on that subject. However, if you're willing to learn, you -do- have someone who can teach you. All you need do is ask. A word of warning." He raised a hand, index finger extended. "Once you start down this path, there is no turning back. I can teach you, but in the end, the strength must come from you. As a matter of fact, if you wish, I can guide you through your first transformation. Just tell me where you want to stop, full wolf, hybrid, whichever, and we'll work from there." He saw her glance at the sky, and smiled. "Ah yes, the moon. Do you feel it? It calls to us, those of the blood. You will learn, as I did, and in time, that it doesn't have to dominate your destiny. Remember, you are a strong woman, and I have to tell you that I couldn't be prouder of you, Ryanna, and I love you. Now."

He grinned as he sat down, cross-legged, on the ground. "Have a seat, and give me your hands. This part is easy. We establish a mental link, and I look for the 'trigger' within you. Should be easy to find, since I remember Nanny teaching me in much the same way. The first change will hurt, no doubt, but you're strong enough to take it. After all, you -are- my daughter." He paused, looking up for a moment at the moon. "It is beautiful, isn't it? I used to grit my teeth when I looked at it, but now I can appreciate it in another light." He cleared his throat, shaking out his hair as he did so, and smiled. "Now...shall we begin?"

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

De'Ryanna stepped closer to her father and started to extend her hand, but something was causing her to hesitate. It was not the fact that it would hurt - she got enough of that at the Tower and the test of the arches - but it was what he said.

"Once I start... " She was close to him and took a seat next to him. Pulling in her bottom lip she chewed on it a moment and drew in a deep breath. "I'm the controlled one Father. Level-headed." At least she tried to be. Being here was testing her in more ways than one.

"You saw the outburst earlier. I can be more aggressive during this turn of season. Tell me, how will this.. change me?" She knew it would change her physically, but she was wondering about the mental and emotional state.

"My brother would always act wild and rambunctious," when he was younger, "Am I going to remember things and have control?"

[Gawain]

Gawain chuckled a bit, and patted her head. "Honey, only the weaklings lose themselves to the bloodlust. Now, that's not to say there's not a certain....pleasantness.....to the hunt, and revelling in it, but that's another story, and one I can't explain to you. It's like trying to explain being in love, or how to channel Saidin. I can't tell you, you have to feel it. Your brother....the gift is strong in him, and at an early age, it can lead to excessive...well, exuberance. Have you ever seen a pup, the way it acts when it gets excited? Well, think about how much worse that pup would be if it had the mind of a human and the body of a wolf. You won't be out of control, because you've already learned self-control. After we're done, anyway, you'll be able to control that aspect of your gift, as well as all other aspects."

Gawain stopped, grinning. "By the way, the first time I shifted successfully, on my own, I...well, I sort of chased my tail. And don't laugh, it was fun!" Gawain laughed then, tossing his head back as he did, clearly enjoying the memory. "The point is, at first, you'll be a little frisky. After awhile, you learn control. Since you've been trained in the Tower, control will come MUCH easier for you. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about here."

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

It might be the thought that she might not be able to control her actions which was the reason why she hesitated. De'Ryanna would never admit the fact that it scared her, no, she was too proud for that.

He said that she would be able to control it, she believed that she was able to, now all she had to do was try. Straightening her back she went to take a firm hold of her father's hand. It would be a lot better learning to control this portion of her now than to be somewhere and have it try to control her without her knowing what was going on. And, when she had her first successful shift, she was not going to chase her tail. That thought alone was enough to cause her to shudder. She expected her brother to do something like that, her father too since one took after the other and he seemed easy going anyway, but not her.

De'Ryanna took in a deep breath and settled taking down mental barriers to make it easier for him to make contact. Her mother had told her to always keep her mind guarded and that's what she always strived to do so.

Full of confidence she spoke, "I am ready." He had mentioned something earlier about a trigger. Not exactly sure what he would be looking for, all she could do was have patience and give an ounce of trust.

[Gawain]

Gawain smiled, taking her hand in his and nodding. "Close your eyes and try to relax. The exercise they teach Novices in the Tower would help....you need to open your mind to me. Trust me, dear, no harm will come to you. If I see that there's going to be any trouble, I'll stop." That said, he closed his own eyes and began to probe.

Instantly, he was, in a sense, inside her mind. A sense of calmness and serenity pervaded the entire psionic mindscape. He smiled inwardly, and his avatar, the mental projection of his physical self within her mind, mirrored the expression. He drifted deeper into her mind, locating her subconscious with ease. Needless to say, this was far from his first dance. A gentle probe was performed, testing the density of the barriers she had unknowingly placed on that part of her mind. As he touched these barriers, he could hear a voice, shouting that women weren't meant to do this, that lycanthropy was...what was it?...a guy thing. He smiled, knowing that she'd soon see for herself how free she would feel.

As he forged onward, he stopped short, confronted by what must have been his daughter's avatar. It was, for all intents and purposes, the Cheshire Cat. Curiouser and curiouser......he approached slowly, and raised a hand. "Hello. I was wondering if you could direct me to the nexus. Being a part of this mindscape, I know you know where it is. I ask this of you because I seek to aid my daughter in a task. No harm will come to her, I assure you." Gawain assumed a non-threatening posture, folding his hands in front of him, awaiting a response.

~Come inside if you dare, but be aware of what you will find.....~

Gawain, to his credit, only got a little nervous at that statement, but he pressed on, meeting only the slightest of resistance as he passed through the veil. Once inside, he focused, training his mind to project a calming effect, and began searching for the block. The semi-hard part was done, but he had a feeling that the really hard part was yet to come....

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

Probing into the mind was a very dangerous thing. That is what she had been taught while learning from the Sisters in the dessert. Her mother made sure she had all type of varied education and, when it was discovered that she could walk in the land of dreams, extra precautions were taken.

Her mind was clean, to a point. Imagine, if you would, a clean room with everything in its place and nothing out of order. This was her mind. However, in this clean and spotless room, there were a few things out of place. Unnoticeable unless you really took the time to look, but they were there.

Gawain would hear echo's of her thoughts that centered around being strong, showing no fear, and controlling her own life. There was a playback of the kiss she had stolen from Armandeus that night when he had come to her room seeking help. It was a good thought and the feeling around it showed. There was Anger in her mind as well, but it was held back. Anger at her Father, and her mother. Jealousy over those who could do things she couldn't. There was a little girl sitting by herself in a white room playing with silver balls that were suspended in the air, and visions of the same girl looking out at other children her age playing while she was stuck inside.

Sadness, joy, and a great sense of achievement.

That cat took Gawain along, walking on nothing, yet there was a ground. Finally the cat stopped at what appeared as a jewerly box. It was white porcelain with gold trim. A precious thing that was cast aside in a corner, a thin layer of dust rested around it.

[Gawain]

Gawain stopped, staring down at the box. He laid a hand atop it, and felt.....wrongness. Withdrawing his hand, he sat down, focusing on the box, and waited. Maybe he was drumming up some courage, who knows?

After awhile, Gawain rose, and with a small measure of reluctance, he laid his hand on the jewelry box. In one swift move, he opened it, and stood back. He braced himself for what was to come, knowing that the first shift would be violent, and that a lot of pent-up emotion would be released.

"De'Ryanna! Control is key! Don't give in to your bestial nature, do not let it control you. I am here for you, now and forever. Remember this, and do not be afraid. Use the pain, my daughter! Let it give you focus!"

With that said, he withdrew his consciousness from hers, stood back, and shifted. Like it or not, they were in for one wild ride.......

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

Was it safe it to break the box on pent-up emotions and feelings and to set them free for the first time in years? Not unless you knew what you were doing. Gawain might have known what he was doing, but she was a different story.

While he traveled through her mind De'Ryanna sat as still as she could, going over exercises to keep her calm. It had been quite a few years since she had allowed anyone into her mind and she could feel him in there. Moving around, even as he tried to put out the feeling of calm. It worked - to a degree - but the main thought of hers was a strong desire to get him out of her head.

Hands were folded tightly together and her grip as getting tighter. What if he saw something he couldn't handle? What if this brief connection had a more lasting, and permanent effect?

She could feel her heart beating faster, her pulse quickening and sounding as if her heart was outside of her ears. It was so loud. She heard everything with a crisp clarity, she thought she had seized the Source for a moment. She even heard her father change not too far from her.

That scared her and many things started to happen at once. Hands pulled tightly to her and she doubled over them, even as she sat there on the ground. Her body started to expand, muscles rolling underneath the skin, pushing at the surface and trying to break free. Teeth grated before her jaw locked and she fell over to her right side. Hands unclenched and she started pulling at her clothes. Suddenly they felt too tight. She couldn't breathe and suddenly she was gasping for air.

Control. He had said to maintain control, but she could feel it slipping from her, like trying to scoop water with a fork. The thing that was pushing at her control was all the bottled up anger she had inside. Fighting against it was to engage in a loosing battle.

One thing she did have though was focus.

All the pain she was feeling started channeling and focusing to one emotion: Anger.

There was suddenly more power in her arms an the fabric in her hands tore easily. Her flesh not so smooth as it once was, but instead, would become course, as fibers began to sprout all over. A new found brown and white pelt consume her entire body, leaving only a few features without it's fur exterior. Heels would extend, along with her feet, padded surfaces would now line her fingers and toes alike, to provide an eased grip of anything, instead of the soft fur that covered her now. Her muscles would expand, and grow, until her over all body mass would grow at least half of what she was before. Her ears would stretch, and become pointed; mouth would extend, and teeth would stretch out, until fangs were developed. Nose would become cold, wet, and black, as hair would unfortunately be molded into a thick mane about the nape of her neck.

From her curled position on the ground there came a growl. It wasn't soft, and it wasn't low but strong and with a menacing tone. De'Ryanna started to uncurl herself and rose at first to all fours, her maw was open and saliva dropped from the exposed teeth. Any remnants of clothing fell from her body as she stood to her full height. There was a a fierce and wild fire in her angry eyes that almost glowed red.

Those eyes were trained on the wolf in front of her. She did not know him as her father, all she knew was that she was hungry. With a movement that was unnatural to here normal form, her teeth snapped, clawed right hand went to strike as she came at him, initiating the attack.

[Gawain]

Gawain stayed stock-still, waiting for her initial strike, and took it full-force across his muzzle. His head snapped back, blood and spittle flying from his mouth, and just as suddenly swung back around. He raised one hand and backhanded her across her nose as he himself sneezed. She had the instinct, no doubt, else she wouldn't have known to strike at the nose. However, it was time for her to learn an important lesson: she had a lot to learn, and he was about to teach her the most important of that lot. Control, free will, and clarity of thought.

After a moment, Gawain snarled, circling her with his muzzle down, sniffing the air and feinting once in awhile to keep her off balance. Suddenly, he dove in, delivering a short jab to her midsection followed by another backhand.

Standing over her, he growled. "You can learn, or you can be beaten some more. Now relax. I can and will hurt you, but I do not wish to. Focus, De'Ryanna. FOCUS. Remember who you are!" His only thought besides that of survival was that this was years of repression being burnt off. He grinned, knowing that she would be free of this all too soon, and her true training could finally begin.

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

It was in the nature of an animal to fight when defending something, and especially when they were being attacked. Currently she was no longer De'Ryanna, but a newly formed werewolf, and an angry one at that. The person she once was had been lost to the beast that now dominated her mind, pushed aside and silenced with the flurry of emotions that had come with the transformation.

A crouched position, she was on the ground after Gawain's attack, poised in a sprinters mark. Fangs were still bared and she was sizing him up, the continued roll of the growl making it clear that she wasn't backing down. The words he spoke did not make it through, sounding only like grabbed grunts in her furry ears.

Before his last words had a chance to settle she was on him. Gawain being above her made it easy for her to strike out at leg. Near the hip she made to clamp down upon his thigh with her teeth, hoping to taste the sensation of blood as her goal was to throw him to the ground.

She was unconstrained.

[Gawain]

Gawain snarled, feeling her teeth sink into his leg, and swiftly brought his elbow down into the back of her head. With a satisfying...well, for him, anyway....smack, he felt her grip loosen, and he snatched her head away from him, bringing a knee up into her chest then extending the leg to kick her away.

With a snarl, he leapt at her, wrapping her in a bear-hug and squeezing her tightly. His only recourse was to try and reawaken her within her own mind. After all, he didn't want to beat his own daughter down, just as he didn't want her to rip out his throat, which she would if he took it easy on her. With her restrained, he opened his mind, and practically shouted through a mind-link. "De'Ryanna Cauthon! Come to your senses, or have them beaten out of you this instant!" Play-time was over starting now.

[De'Ryanna Aybara]

Just as the sweet taste of blood burst forth in her mouth there was a pain in the back of her head that caused her mouth to open and loose its grip. The knee to the chest caused for some of the blood which was in her mouth to flush out. Tossed to the side the new werewolf was on her side, pushing to get back up on her feet. A strained growl as she had just gained her feet and was captured in a tight hold.

Arms were held down at her side. What she could move of her arms she did, desperately trying to claw at anything she could to get away, even if it was her own flesh. Head swung from left to right, teeth snapping and hoping to connect, and then, then there was the next attack.

In this form, just as she had lost control of who she was, she also had no barriers around her mind. When Gawain made the mental connection the wolf, that was De'Ryanna, howled out in pain and agony. That was worst than any physical attack he could have delivered. The wolfs eyes squeezed shut, and back arched in his hold. The howl slowly started to sound like a human scream - hers - and she started to shrink. The hair that covered her body began to retract and her body quivered as claws were made into fingers and her ears settled back upon her face. Her feet became human once again and her body regained it's feminine shape. Unfortunately clothing did not re-materialize.

The scream died down and when it did, Gawain was left holding his unconscious daughter.

[Gawain]

Gawain relaxed his grip, smoothing his daughter's hair down and whispering soothing words to her. The motion of a finger would cause his cloak to fly to him, which he used to cover her body. After he cradled her, awash in memories of her early childhood, he channeled, forming a Gateway to his room. There, he would allow her to rest and stand guard over her until she was strong enough to move again.

[Posting will be continued, after De'Ryanna responds, of course, in the Living Quarters.]

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